


You Don’t Know How Lovely You Are

by angelsfallingdeancatch, astrid_lee20



Series: Six Different Ways [5]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bill has an anxiety disorder, Discussions of sex but no sex, F/M, First Kiss, Getting Together, Healthy Relationships, Late Night Conversations, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Multi, Pre-Poly, Pre-Relationship, Relationship Discussions, Trigger Warning for bulimia and talk about body issues, ben has an eating disorder, discussions of boundaries, richie has adhd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 27,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25838545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsfallingdeancatch/pseuds/angelsfallingdeancatch, https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrid_lee20/pseuds/astrid_lee20
Summary: Prequel to Six Different Ways Inside MY Heart, part of the Six Different Ways Series. Pre-Poly.The Losers are 17 and in their Junior year of high school. Stan has been catching Ben in the bathroom a lot, and is getting concerned.Ben is finally ready to tell Beverly that he is the one who wrote her the poem when they were kids. Richie is in love with Eddie, but is convinced Eddie couldn't possible return his feelings.Eddie is in love with Richie, but he's sure Richie doesn't have feelings for him. Mike is pretty sure he's in love with Beverly. Probably.Bill is in love with Stan. And Richie. And Eddie...and Bev, and Mike, and Ben...what's wrong with him?
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Ben Hanscom/Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh/Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough/Eddie Kaspbrak, Bill Denbrough/Richie Tozier, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Stanley Uris, Mike Hanlon/Richie Tozier, Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Series: Six Different Ways [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1791133
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	1. Ben/Bev and the Intervention

_ 2015 (High School, Junior Year) _

Two years. Bill and Beverly had broken up two years ago, and Ben still hadn't mustered up the courage to tell her  _ he _ had been the one that had written the poem.  _ He _ had done it, not Bill. And he couldn't blame her for thinking Bill had written it, as Bill had been writing up a storm, and his stuff was great. And to be fair, Bill probably didn't know about it because he hadn't told him, and he didn't think he would let Beverly think he did that if he hadn't. He wasn't that type of person. 

Beverly, in the past two years, hadn’t had a boyfriend. And Ben was getting anxious that would change before he could get a grip.

It was  _ that _ anxiety that had him coughing up his lunch after he'd put a note in her backpack asking her to meet him at the clubhouse that night. Usually, it was his own finger. He sighed quietly when he heard footsteps coming to his stall, and he ducked his head as if the person that came up could see him. He'd know those footfalls anywhere though; he'd heard them many times during a sleepover, in the halls, at the mall when they went together... _ Stanley Uris had followed him. _

"Ben?" He called. "You alright?"

_ Fuck. _ He was starting to feel like Stan was onto him, because he'd just happened to show up in the same bathroom as Ben every day after lunch.

"Oh, yeah, fine. Nerves, you know?" He flushed and opened the bathroom door, fidgeting as Stan crossed his arms and stared at him, brow raised. "Uh, chemistry test."

It was believable.

"Eddie helped you study, you should be fine."

"Still jittery. Can I, uh, sneak past you? Gotta go ahead and deal with it."

Reluctantly, Stan stood back and let him by, and Ben couldn't get the look he was giving him out of his head. He was concerned, like a friend should be, and Ben was  _ grateful _ , but he didn't need the scrutiny today.

*~*~*

Ben had gotten to the clubhouse five minutes before he told Beverly to meet him there, as he'd had to dodge Stan to get to a bathroom by himself to brush his teeth. He set down his bag, nervously running his hands through his hair. He turned just as Beverly came down the stairs, a concerned look on her face.

"I thought that was your handwriting. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He smiled at her, trying to ease the tension as if she hadn't just seen him pacing. "I, um, needed to talk to you. About the poem."

Bev frowned, not understanding why they had to be away from everyone else to do that, but she didn’t voice her thoughts. She dropped her backpack and walked up to Ben, wrapping her arms around him in a hug. His eyes widened and she hated it, the obvious surprise he had every time she touched him. Why wouldn’t she? They were  _ best friends,  _ that’s what friends did. Not to mention the crush she had on him… 

“Okay, we can talk,” she finally said. “But what poem are you talking about, the one from English? I thought that wasn’t due until next week.” She fidgeted. If it was due sooner she was in trouble because she wasn’t prepared. Maybe Bill would help her?

Ben hugged her, letting his head fall to her shoulder for a moment as she spoke. "No, um. That’s not the one.” He managed a smile, rubbing her back gently to calm her. “Can we sit?" He reluctantly pulled away, taking a seat on the now faded green hammock. He picked up a slinky that Eddie had brought for them to play with when they got nervous, and he gently toyed with the plastic rainbow rings as he tried to speak. "I wrote you a poem a few years ago, and I shoved it in your bag when you weren't looking. And I just...you got with Bill, and I lost my nerve. And I just needed you to know that I was the one that wrote it, and I am in love with you and will always love you no matter what." He was silent for a moment. "I just felt like I was lying to you by not telling you. And I get it if you don't feel the same way, but I needed you to know."

Bev froze in her seat next to him, her hand on his shin. She tightened her grip, sparing a thought for how soft his leg hair was against her fingers, before running her hand up to his knee, thoughts bouncing around her head. The hammock creaked and she chose to ignore it. Ben liked her.  _ Ben  _ liked  _ her?  _ And he didn’t know she liked  _ him _ ? How could he not know? She carefully sat up, again ignoring the old hammock’s groan and looked at him, a small shy smile creeping onto her face. “Ben...” she started, sounding breathless, trying to decide what to comment on first. “You weren’t lying to me, honey. I’m so proud of you for being brave and telling me.” 

Ben let out a self depreciating chuckle. “I don’t know that I’d call myself brave, Bevvie. That’s all you.” He reached for her hand and let his settle over hers, squeezing it with a small smirk. “Maybe Bill, too.” Deflecting, just like Richie had taught all of them. 

He wouldn’t meet her eyes and she couldn’t have that. “This isn’t about Bill.” She moved so that she hovered above him, her legs on either side of his hips, attempting to balance their weight in the old hammock. In the dusty clubhouse, with the sun gleaming through the boards  _ that Ben made,  _ she was going to tell him. “I’ve been keeping a secret too,” she said finally, letting her head fall closer to his. “I’m in love with you.”

Ben's head snapped up, eyes wide in disbelief.  _ She _ was in love with  _ him _ ? This  _ angel _ ? He leaned forward a little as their noses touched, the chill from the October air suddenly gone.  _ Beverly _ was keeping him plenty warm. Her body, like her hair, was like January embers. The wind that had been so loud moments earlier seemed to be gone now, everything silent save for their breathing. "Can I...can I kiss you?"

Bev found that she was so nervous her voice was gone, so she nodded, a giddy smile overtaking her face, making her freckles dance. She leaned down the inch she needed to make their lips touch and felt electricity wind up her back as they kissed for the first time. “Ben...” she whispered against his lips, a blush moving across her cheeks. That felt  _ way  _ better than kissing Mary Lewis last year behind the soccer field. It felt  _ right,  _ like how she used to feel when she kissed Bill. But this was  _ Ben,  _ and she was so in love with him. 

The world, for both of them, was falling into place.

"Beverly," Ben breathed, immediately going back for more, his hands moving to her face, thumbs rubbing her cheeks as his fingers moved into her hair. He kissed her, long and soft before moving back just a touch, rubbing his nose gently against hers and pressing their foreheads together. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this," he murmured, kissing her again. Finally, he was  _ allowed to _ .

She kissed his cheek, deliberate and slow, before he kissed her lips again and she melted into his arms. This was better than she had dreamed, or had dared to hope. “I think I might,” she teased, nipping his bottom lip with a tiny bite and grinning. 

Ben heard a creak from the ladder and his eyes snapped open, not letting go of Beverly as he turned, raised a brow and saw Stan coming down the ladder, eyes wide. He cursed inwardly for what had to have been the millionth time that day, and closed his eyes again when he heard the tell-tale bickering that let him know that Eddie and Richie were not far behind, and Bill and Mike's laughter. Maybe the clubhouse  _ wasn't _ his brightest idea, but...they were all going to find out somehow, right?

Bev shrank against Ben at first, afraid of Stan’s reaction, but Stan shook his head, giving her a smile. Stan always seemed to understand what was going through Beverly’s head, and she didn’t know how to thank him for it. His easy acceptance gave her courage, she ran a hand through Ben’s hair and kissed him again as Richie wolf whistled and Eddie tried to hush him while he jumped off the ladder. They didn’t need to hide.

Ben kissed back, heat rising in his cheeks as he heard Richie's annoying sounds. He finally pulled away before tugging her against his chest as they laid back in the hammock, as comfortably as possible while being watched. "So, uh, how was everyone's day?"

Bev peeked at everyone over Ben’s chest and tried to relax. It had been a while since anyone had held her, except for maybe Richie when they had sleepovers. This was  _ safe _ , she told herself, choosing to nuzzle into Ben’s shirt.

Richie chuckled and flopped onto a bench. “Not as good as yours, apparently.” Eddie pushed him in the shoulder and Richie started to cackle. “What? I didn’t get  _ any _ kisses.” Eddie blushed a little at that, but Stan cut them off with a look. 

“Boring, compared to yours,” Stan teased, Richie scoffing at him for stealing his joke.

“Congrats, guys. I was getting worried we were going to have to shove you two in a small space and get this show on the road ourselves.” Bill stood against one of the poles that held the structure together, smiling softly at Beverly and Ben. He'd had a hunch. He glanced at Mike before glancing around at the others, trying to gauge reactions. He'd also been a little worried about Ben from what Stan had been telling him, but he didn't feel like now was the time to bring it up.

Ben blushed, merely kissing Beverly's head as he gently ran his hand up and down her arm, thankful that he could do this with her now. He didn't meet Stan's eyes, playfully glared at Bill for the teasing, and tried to change the subject. "Mike, I thought you had football practice today?" He was thankful for his calming presence, and liked to see him smile. "Glad you can hang out with us finally."

Mike grinned, taking a seat by Eddie and throwing his backpack to the side. An explosion of dust sprang up and he grimaced. “Coach got mad at everyone but me, so he said I could go home while everyone else ran laps.”

Ben listened to Mike, mentally noting that maybe they should clean in here, and threw him a grin of his own. "Well, of course, how could anyone be mad at you?"

Mike rubbed his neck, shy at the attention, and leaned against  Stan. Stan frowned at Ben’s refusal to meet his eyes and gave Bev a look, who knew immediately that Stan was gonna be texting her about something later. She was always thankful for their perceived telepathy. 

Ben frowned at the obvious subtle communication between Stan and his girlfriend. That was _ dangerous _ , but Richie and Eddie caught his eye before he could speak up. Richie was staring at Bev and him, almost jealous. He gave Richie a knowing smile and the tiniest of nods, trying to be encouraging. 

Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, pretending to be casual and looking away from Ben, embarrassed. Shit, was he that obvious, that even Ben could see how badly he wanted what he and Bev suddenly had? When Eddie didn’t push him away he felt his heart flutter. If...Ben could finally suck it up and tell Bev....then maybe....

Bill moved to sit on the floor, leaning against his blue Jansport as he tried to not stare at Richie or Eddie. He was exhausted from working and going to school, but tried to not let it show. "So, all of us are off work, no practice, no games, and it's a Friday. What are we getting up to tonight?"

Eddie frowned at Bill’s baggy eyes and obvious lack of spirit. “Why don’t we just watch movies,” he decided, looking up at Richie to try and beg him to understand. Richie glanced at Bill and tightened his arm around Eddie’s shoulder, seeing how tired Bill was easily. “Sounds perfect, we can watch stupid shit.”

Bev giggled from under the safety of Ben’s arm. “I’d like that.” 

Mike, who was a little jealous that he wasn’t getting to hold Bev, winked at her. “If Bev wants to do it, I’m in.” He immediately regretted his words and his face flushed red.

Beverly blushed a little at Mike's wink and nodded, unsure why she felt so affected. He’d been making quips like that a lot lately, and each one made her heart flutter. She didn’t want to possibly hurt Be, though. "I like that idea, very much." She leaned up and kissed Ben's cheek. "How about you?"

Ben nodded and Bill brightened. "Let’s do it. Watching stupid shit it is!” 

Stan snorted. “But, I already have to watch Rich!”

Richie gaped at him. “Oh, Urine, if you wanna start—“

Ben’s hackles raised at Richie calling Stan  _ Urine _ . It reminded him a little too much of what people used to call Stan when they'd been in middle school, and he hadn't liked that at all. He felt protective, not just because Stan and Bev were so close, but because, well...Ben  _ loved  _ Stan. He didn’t want to examine that too much."Beep beep, Richie, that's not nice." Several pairs of eyes turned on him and Richie looked as if he were about to protest, so Ben quickly tried to get himself out of his pickle. "I know he wasn't being nice, so call him Staniel or something."

Richie raised his hands in defeat and gave Stan an apologetic look. Stan smiled at him and tried to stop his heart beat which had skyrocketed at Ben’s kindness.

"Ben keeps us civil." Beverly grinned up at him, patting his cheek before getting down, almost flopping out of the hammock and getting dirt on her knees. She gathered her things, quickly making her way up and out of the clubhouse while the boys finalized where they were crashing. She had a feeling about what Stan was going to text her. 

The second Bev hit the top stair, Stan immediately took out his phone and texted her. ‘It happened again.’

“I don't really wanna go home tonight, so, can we go to your place, Rich?" Bill knew he was always welcome at Richie's place, and Went and Maggie treated him like their own, even made sure he had a stash of things there for unplanned sleepovers. Still, he wasn’t going to  _ assume.  _ Richie wasn’t his  _ boyfriend.  _ The thought made Bill curl in on himself.

Richie reluctantly let go of Eddie’s shoulder and hoisted Bill up. “Sure, man, you can stay whenever. Party at the Tozier house.” He frowned at how sad he looked. Eddie had been right. “Let me give you a piggyback ride.” Bill stared at him like he was insane. Richie kicked at the ground, embarrassed. They were a little old for that, he supposed. Too late, he’d already asked, better to just lean in. “Please? It will make me feel better.”

Bill glanced away, hoping Richie wouldn't see his blush, also quickly and efficiently willing away a  _ fucking erection _ . He finally nodded, handing Eddie his backpack and walking up behind Richie. He jumped up just like when they were kids, wrapping his arms around Richie's neck and fighting back a huge grin when Richie caught his legs expertly. "Thank you," he whispered tiredly in Richie's ear, allowing his head to rest on his  _ best friend's _ shoulder. Best friend. That was it.

Being best friends with Richie was more than he deserved. And don’t even get him started on Eddie, who still looked at him like he shaped the world they lived on. The silly little thought about being Richie’s boyfriend could go fuck itself, Bill decided. He knew who belonged to Richie, deserved him: Eddie. And Richie deserved Eddie. That was that. 

He also...wasn’t gay. Nope. Absolutely not.

Except, he  _ was _ . Gay for every single one of his best friends. Straight for Bev. 

Richie carried Bill easily and kept whispering little jokes to him over his shoulder. Every time Bill spoke it tickled his ear, and he had to fight from blushing. Richie needed to work on being so goddamned obvious about his feelings for Bill, and the sickening feeling he got when he looked at Eddie made him shuffle a little bit away from him. Was he broken for liking them both? He looked over at Bev as they made their way to her. Was he broken for liking  _ Bev _ , too?

Eddie gave Richie a look but shrugged, putting away his jealousy of, well...both of them? Besides, Bill needed to be taken care of. Regardless of the fact that Eddie wanted to be the one hanging on Richie’s back, and even though he wanted to be the one carrying Bill and taking care of him. Eddie knew better than to think he ever got to get what he wanted. 

Beverly let out a little sigh as she read Stan's text. She texted back 'Thanks. Mike didn't really get sent home from practice, did he?'

Stan responded: ‘No. You’re too smart, Bevvie.’

Beverly shot another text to Stan. 'I'll update the boys. You guys take your time.'

“What’s the hold up?” Eddie asked, coming to stop near Bev noticing that the others hadn’t come. 

She sighed. "So, Ben has an eating disorder. And Mike and Stan are talking to him right now because Stan keeps catching him...making himself..." She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. 

Bill froze, face falling. "Oh,  _ Ben _ ." He couldn't say he was surprised, and he almost hated himself for praising Ben on how good he looked lately. He wished this had been done a  _ healthy _ way, not one that could  _ actually kill him _ . There wasn’t even anything  _ wrong  _ with how Ben looked before. He was still their beautiful friend, who had hair like sunshine and a smile to match. "Maybe...we can do some research while they're talking, see what we can do to help him?" He was glad that Richie was carrying him, because he thought he might pass out.

Richie held onto Bill’s legs tighter and stumbled forward into Eddie in surprise, not having expected that. Eddie steadied him and put a hand on Bill’s back, worried about Bill’s shakiness. “Fuck,” Richie whispered, “I didn’t...he would disappear all the time but I didn’t...” 

Eddie rested his head on Richie’s shoulder. “Rich, you didn’t  _ know.  _ We’ll help him.” He reached out a hand for Bev and she took it. Eddie tugged her closer and Richie rested his head on her shoulder.

Beverly joined in the group hug, kissing each of their heads as she shook. "We'll get him through this," she promised, trying to reassure her boys as much as she was herself. Bill quietly kissed the back of Richie's neck, trying to calm his obviously upset friend, trying to show him affection, before taking a few of his own deep breaths. "Come on, let's go curl up on Richie's bed and do some research. Having a plan will help."

Richie’s heart went to his throat at Bill’s little kiss and he almost swooned. Fuck,  _ fuck  _ being so in love with them all. He began to walk, his grip on Bill’s thighs tight. 

Bill's grip on Richie was needy, selfishly taking him for himself for these few minutes. He tried to memorize Richie's scent, knowing he wouldn't get this chance for long. He smelled like tobacco still, with a hint of peppermint and pine and musk. He would be able to recognize that scent anywhere, remember it for the rest of his life, but he wanted it in a never ending candle.

Richie could tell Bill was upset, and it hurt him to know he couldn’t fix it. Richie used his thumbs to rub circles into Bill’s legs in an attempt to comfort him.

Eddie trailed behind them to stay right next to Bev. “I got you,” he promised, not letting go of her hand. It was about the same size as his own, and Eddie wondered if he’d grow anymore before he got to college. He used to be really upset that he was the smallest, but now that he had at least filled out, he wasn’t so jaded. 

Beverly flashed a brilliant but sad smile at Eddie, squeezing his hand. "Thank you, Eds. I appreciate it."

Eddie gave her a similar smile and squeezed her hand back as they made it to Richie’s house. Maggie gave them a worried look at their sad faces, taking a step towards them. Richie shook his head and gave her a hopeful smile. “Mike, Stanny, and Ben are coming in a little bit, okay mom?” 

She nodded, choosing not to bother them as they made it up the stairs. "Remember, your father and I are leaving for your aunt's in a few. We'll be back Sunday!"

Richie saluted her and she rolled her eyes fondly before turning back to packing.

Bill wordlessly slid off of Richie's back as they made it inside his room. He sat close to him on the bed once Richie had gotten his laptop, and took out his phone to do his own research, as did Beverly and Eddie. Beverly's lips stayed pursed as she scrolled. "Okay," she finally said. "I found a support group close by. I can talk to my aunt and see if she can take him if he's not ready to tell his mom yet."

Richie, on the other hand, gave up almost immediately because reading about the side effects made him want to vomit. Losing your voice? Hurting your teeth? Dying? He put an arm around Bill’s side and the other around Eddie’s. He glanced over Eddie’s shoulder at Bev, trying not to panic. “I mean, I don’t want him to start having to hide and lie to us more,” he finally whispered. 

Eddie leaned against Richie’s hold and sighed. “I believe in him. We just need to love him unconditionally, even when he slips up. Let him know recovery isn't linear, and that we aren’t going anywhere.”

Beverly nodded at Eddie's words. "Exactly. I don't think he's been doing it very long, so maybe the effects won't be awful." She put her phone away and settled herself in Richie's lap, one of her permanent safe spaces. She stared up at him and gave his nose a little boop. "Stan and Mike are talking to him, and we're going to all sit down and talk once they get here. We all need to make it a point to talk about things that are bothering us, not keep secrets like this anymore." 

Richie immediately wrapped his arms around Bev, securing her in his hold. No more secrets, huh? He couldn’t promise that, not about his feelings, but he’d try. He had had a pang in his gut that maybe now that Ben and Bev were together they wouldn’t do this anymore, but he was relieved to know he was wrong. He loved Bev, in a lot of different ways, and being able to show her affection by holding her in his arms meant...well, everything to Richie. 

Bev settled, happy that they were all this close and loving. She frowned in worry, letting it get the best of her for a moment. She caught Richie’s gaze as Bill and Eddie whispered to each other. 

Richie smiled at her affection and cradled her head to his chest. He could see she was cracking, and that wouldn’t do. She could crack later, when she would come over in a few days and wouldn’t have to stay strong for anyone. “It’ll be okay,” he murmured to her. 

She nodded, zeroing in on Bill. She reached over and squeezed Bill's chin softly, and he blushed and pushed at her hand. "And you need to rest, Mister. If you need help with school work, you tell us. I understand you have to work, but you look exhausted."

Bill ducked his head, his eyes darting to his jeans as he toyed with a loose string. It was getting to be time to buy a couple of  _ good _ new pairs of jeans, but he was trying to hold out for just a while longer so he could maybe hit some pre-Christmas sales. His parents barely remembered to buy him food, _ let alone new clothes _ , and his money only went so far. "I know, I'll tell you guys if I'm struggling. Just worked a lot of hours this week and last week, so my boss gave me the weekend off to recuperate." He worked as a shift manager at the local movie theater, and he'd worked almost the entire weekend of the  _ The Last Witch Hunter _ premiere, as well as almost every night leading up to it and after.

Eddie frowned and moved over to Bill from Richie’s other side. He sat right next to Bill, staring him in the face. “Bill, that’s not enough. Go ahead and call out sick for school Monday, maybe Tuesday, and I’ll get everything for you.”

Bill wanted to protest, but he knew Eddie was right and leaned against him with a small "Thank you."

Eddie hugged Bill, glad that he wasn’t going to fight him on it. “Someone’s gotta take care of you,” he said, grinning.

////

Mike stood up and helped Ben out of the hammock, hugging him. “Rough yet exciting day?” he asked, grinning at him.

Ben nodded, hugging him in return and clapping him on the back. "Yeah, definitely." He smiled as Richie climbed out with Bill, and took a step to go up the ladder after Eddie climbed out.

Stan, on the other hand, didn’t move from his spot. He just watched Ben as he froze, feeling Stan’s eyes pinning him.

Ben took one look at Stan and then glanced up, calculating. He could probably make it up the ladder and away to hide for a little while, but he didn't want to do that. He didn't want his friends to have  _ more _ reason to toss him aside. His hands didn't move from the wooden ladder that he  _ really _ needed to replace.

Well  _ fuck. _

He felt Mike's arm tug on him, pull him off the ladder. Mike led him to the bench, and Ben sat down, hiding his face in his hands.  _ Who else knew? _ His tummy flipped anxiously, and he suddenly felt very guilty for dodging Stan as much as he had the past couple of weeks.

Stan kneeled in front of Ben, disregarding the layer of dust and dirt and cheetos, and carefully tugged his hands away from his face and held them tightly in his own. “Benny...” he wasn’t sure where to start. He’d been watching this for  _ a month _ and he couldn’t...he couldn’t  _ do it  _ anymore. He loved Ben too much, but he didn’t know how to tell him that. 

Mike, sensing that Stan was stalling, put his arm around Ben’s back and hugged him to his side, sitting next to him on the bench that  _ maybe  _ wouldn’t be able to hold them. “You know we love you,” Mike said, serious and sweet.

Ben broke down immediately at the look on Stan's face. He didn't know why it affected him so much, but that concerned look hit him straight in the gut. He tried to pull away, curl in on himself, but Stan's hold on his hands was just as tight as Mike's. "I love you too," he choked out, sniffling. He leaned against Mike, but couldn't pull his eyes away from Stan. "Please don't leave me." It felt and looked pitiful, but he felt like his world might just end if he lost any of his six friends, especially these two. 

Stan had to fight every instinct to kiss Ben, right then and there. It wouldn’t be right. Not when Ben was so upset, not when he  _ was dating sweet Bevvie.  _ But it  _ felt _ right. Instead, he kissed the back of each of Ben’s hands and wouldn’t let him look away. “I’m not going anywhere,” he swore, scooting on his knees closer to Ben until his thighs touched Ben’s legs. 

Mike kissed the top of Ben's head, smelling the soft tang of whatever citrus shampoo Ben used while he tried to comfort his friend. He ignored his odd thought that Ben’s hair was soft and he wanted to nuzzle his head, and just held him close. “We’re with you for the long run, Ben.”

Ben's heart jumped at their sweet kisses, and any sense of shame in that was long gone. That was a normal thing between all the Losers; kisses, though not  _ normally _ on the mouth, were a frequent occurrence. However, getting one from Stan was rare unless you were Beverly (who got a kiss on the cheek every day), and two kisses were unheard of. He snuggled up to Mike, trying to calm himself down as he squeezed Stan's hands. "How long have you known?" He finally asked.

Stan sighed and held Ben’s hands close to his chest, letting him feel how fast his heart was beating instead of just telling him he was nervous. “I started noticing a few months ago, but I wasn’t sure.” He pressed even closer to Ben until he was up against his chest and in his space. He wrapped his arms around his neck and Mike’s arm and hugged him, his own feelings overwhelming him. 

Mike played with Ben’s hair a bit in response. He’d known around the same time because Stan had confided in him.

Ben hugged back, burying his face in Stan's shoulder and not letting his hands move from his chest, trembling at their light touches and the worrisome rhythm Stan’s heart had taken on. "It started slow. I was really only doing it every once in a while, but it's gotten worse lately." He sniffed. "I'm so sorry."

Stan hushed him, wiping tears off of Ben’s face. “I understand, and I love you. Exactly how you are, and how you were before, and how you will be. I just...” Stan forced himself to speak, face stuffed in Ben’s shirt. “I don’t want you to think like that about yourself. Or get sick. Or  _ die.” Fuck,  _ Stan was going to cry. Hell no. He had more self control than that. 

Mike curled around Ben more and nodded. “I’m not going to lecture you, but you need help. It’s serious. And we want to help you, in any way we can.”

Stan and Mike  _ loved _ him. The thought almost made his heart burst. He nodded, reluctantly agreeing. "I know, I've gotta get help." He wondered if Stan could hear how fast his heart was beating at his touch, a little mortified that he was reacting this way. He could sense that Stan was upset, though, even more than he was, and he pulled Stan in closer to hold him as best he could. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt either of you.” Ben looked up at Mike, swallowing thickly. "You didn't really get sent home, did you?”

Mike gave Ben a shrug, as if it wasn’t a big deal. “You’re more important than fucking practice, man.”

Stan was so proud of Ben for talking to them, and he once again had to fight down his urge to kiss him. Instead he cradled Ben’s head in his hands and smiled at him, hoping his eyes weren’t glassy.

Stan stared at Ben like he was the most precious thing in the world, and it was killing him. He didn't even smile like that around  _ birds _ . Ben kissed both of their cheeks quickly before wiggling a little, trying to move up and out of their holds. "I think I'm ready to see the others."

They made their way, mostly quiet, though Mike kept bumping his shoulder against Ben’s and Stan kept an arm around his shoulder. Eventually, they made it to the Tozier’s, waved to Maggie, and Mike opened Richie’s bedroom door after a small knock. He stepped through, arm still around Ben’s back and led him in, Stan walking in behind them. Richie immediately scooted back against the wall so they’d all have room on his bed.

Bill stiffened at their arrival but didn't move, only watching as they filed in. Mike and Stan climbed onto the bed with them, Mike at the headboard and Stan at the end. Beverly opened her arms for Ben and he immediately went to them, kissing her in greeting before starting to pull back, only for her to tug him down and cradle his head against her chest. He wanted to protest, but she kissed him quiet. "Something you wanna tell us?"

Ben sighed. He didn’t need to say this into Beverly’s chest, he needed to look at all of them and say it. That was the first step, right? He gently pulled out of her grasp and scrambled onto the bed with very worn  _ Star Wars  _ sheets and settled, back against the wall. He reached out and took Beverly’s hand, not wanting to take her from Richie’s lap before either of them were ready. "I have an eating disorder, and I'm going to have to get help." He frowned, an ice cold thought scaring him. "I just...don't want to have to be sent away to a hospital, or something. I want to be at home."

“I’m proud of you, Ben,” Stan murmured, giving him a private smile. “We won’t send you away, I promise.”

“Loser’s stick together,” Bill promised, leaning back into Eddie, and now against Ben. 

Richie reached out from behind Bev and rested his hand on Ben’s head, petting through his hair gently. “We got you, dude, you aren’t going anywhere,” he said with a smile. “I’m really proud of you. I’m sorry...I didn’t know.”

“That would be because I didn’t want you guys to know. I knew you would worry. I...thought if I only did it once in a while, it wouldn’t be a big deal. And then once in a while turned into...well. Too often.”

Eddie pulled Ben close and hugged him against his side. “Yeah, that’s cause it’s a mental thing, for the most part. It’s addictive. We researched a lot of stuff to help you.” 

Ben gave Eddie an appreciative smile. "Thanks, Ed."

Richie just held Ben and Bev tighter. “I still should have noticed, Ben. I’m sorry I didn’t.” 

“It’s okay, Richie. Honestly.”  _ I love you. We’re okay. _ Ben didn’t know where that thought had come from, but he  _ meant it.  _ Wanted Richie to know that’s what his words meant.

Richie shuffled a little so Bev could be more comfortable, not accepting the easy out but letting it go for now. “Bev found a support group near by that you could go to.”

“How...how nearby? Like...walking distance?” Ben asked, sweating at the idea of telling his mother and possibly upsetting her. She didn’t handle news like this well at  _ all _ , especially not since...well, not since his father’s disappearance. He spent a lot of his time hiding upsetting things from her to protect her, to not add undue stress. His father would have wanted him to take care of his mother, so that’s what he did.

Having to tell her this? That would be like smacking her in the face.

Bev kissed his cheek, speaking softly. “No, but I already thought of that. My aunt can take you...until you’re ready to tell your mom.” She felt him freeze underneath her. “Benny, she’d be heartbroken if you never told her.”

“I know,” he ducked his head, trying not to cry. “I just need some time. This was...a lot. And I have to make sure she’s not gonna check out on me again.” As the words left his mouth, he froze. He hadn’t told them what it had been like in the months following the fateful camping trip that left him without a father and, eventually, any semblance of stability. That is, until they settled in a tiny house in Derry. 

Bill glanced up with a raised brow and a frown. Ben’s mother had checked out on him? Dropped the ball on him? No wonder he would sometimes take on the role as group Dad. He’d had to do that starting out very young. Just like Bill. “Ben, she is supposed to help you through this kind of thing, and it’s not fair that you haven’t had that kind of help from her. My parents did the same shit when Georgie died. Still do.” He caught Ben’s eyes. “But I’ve seen how your mom is with you now. She cares about you. If she can’t handle it,  _ you need to tell us _ , and we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, okay?”

Ben supposed Bill had a point. Arlene did love and care about him, and had made it a point to be more involved in his life, learning about his friends and helping where she could with homework. She had even taken over keeping up with the bills again, especially now that his course load had gotten bigger. But...if she couldn’t handle this, he wasn’t alone. He had the Losers. They wouldn’t  _ let  _ him do everything himself. “I’ll tell her,” he finally said, trembling. “I just can’t do that yet. And I don’t want to do it by myself.”

Stan leaned over the cuddle pile and touched Ben’s face, ignoring everyone else for a moment. “You can do it whenever you’re ready, Benny, and I’ll go with you, any of us will go with you.” 

Ben gave him a wobbly smile and let all of them spoil him with affection. He’d needed this, more than he knew how to express. Maybe he would learn how to tell them, in therapy. Maybe he could figure out why Stan’s smile and touch made his heart flutter, too. “Okay, Stan. I trust you.”

Stan gave him a smile and leaned up against Bill when Ben finished talking, putting his hand on Bill’s face instead. “And  _ your  _ parents shouldn’t do that either. You tell me when you need help, okay?” 

Bill shifted.  _ Red fucking alert he was being touched when talking about shitty parenting and oh God Stan was looking out for him just like he always did don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry don’t you dare.  _ The thing was...his parents probably weren’t entirely in the wrong. It was his fault they’d lost their favorite son. He didn’t want to play, he faked being sick, he made the boat that Georgie ran after. “I, uh. I’ll t-t-tell you, Stan.” He  _ would  _ need a ride to Portland in the near future for clothes. He could start with that...but not now. 

Stan frowned, his grip on Bill’s chin tightening before he hopped out of bed and tugged on Bill’s too small shirt. “Come on, I’ll bring you back in a minute.” 

Richie tried to shove down his feelings that  _ he  _ really wanted to be the one to do this for Bill, but he calmed himself knowing he could do it later, too. There couldn’t be too much loving on Bill. 

Eddie reluctantly let go of Bill, sharing a glance with Richie and Stan before giving Bill a comforting smile. “Go on, Big Bill. You don’t tell Stan ‘no.’”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave a kudos, and comment! You can find us on tumblr at lethimrunsonia and kitchen-witch-bitch.
> 
> We have a blog! Please follow polyamorylosersau on tumblr.


	2. Stan and Bill Pt. 1

With a gulp Bill got out of bed, letting Stan tug on him as he pleased. He scrambled for something to say. He didn’t want to talk about his  _ feelings.  _ It physically hurt him to even think about them. He supposed some scars just ran too deep, and he was starting to overthink himself into a panic as he followed. “I...need a ride to Portland. In a month or so. For some new jeans. Maybe some shirts.” The words tumbled out the second they were alone. This was much less embarrassing, being able to talk to just one of them about it. And it was much easier to talk about this than about  _ his parents _ .

Stan could work with that. He pushed open the Tozier’s upstairs bathroom and closed the door, not wanting Maggie to have to worry about them. The bathroom was a good size, and he didn’t have to get in close to Bill, but he chose to, crowding into Bill’s space. “Billy, is that why you keep wearing those?” He pointed to the tattered ends of Bill’s jeans. “Cause you don’t have a ride?” His eyes narrowed. “Or are you trying to buy them yourself?”

Bill glanced at the door wistfully before looking back at Stan. He needed to stay and have this conversation, though. Not run, like he wanted to. He couldn’t look at Stan’s angry eyes, though, so he ducked his head as he blushed. “Um...both.” He swallowed thickly. “My parents have decided that since I have a job now it’s my responsibility to buy my own clothes.”

“And everything else, too, right?” Stan grumbled, putting both his hands on Bill’s shoulders. “It’s horseshit, Billy, and it’s not okay.”

Bill didn’t agree. “I-I ruin things. I get why they’re doing this.”

Stan squeezed his shoulders like he wanted to shake Bill out of it. “Billy, what are you talking about? You’ve grown a lot, and you’ve had those jeans for like three years. That’s normal wear and tear.” Suddenly Stan froze, an idea creeping up. He hated that he knew what Bill was insinuating. “Oh. You mean you ruin  _ things. _ ” Stan cupped his face, thinking fleetingly of how much he wanted to kill Sharon and Zack Denbrough. They put Bill through too much. “Don’t say things like that, Bill, they aren’t true.” When Bill didn’t answer, Stan let his voice crack. “I literally love you, Billy, I’m serious.”

“I love you too,” Bill whispered, trying to pull away before he could start crying. The crack in Stan’s voice absolutely broke him, and he didn’t want to make it worse by adding his own tears. “I won’t...I’ll try to not say things like that anymore.”

Stan resisted Bill moving his face away, rubbing his thumb on Bill’s cheek. “Here’s what’s gonna happen, okay? I’m gonna buy you new clothes, because my dad might hate me, but he’ll give me any amount of money I ask for so he can pretend he’s a good dad. And you are gonna promise me that when you need to cry, you are gonna go to one of us. I know Richie and Eddie would be sweet about it.” He tipped Bill’s head up so he had to look at him. “I need you to trust me, Billy. I love you too much.”

Bill was already crying by the time Stan finished speaking and he nodded, rushing forward and hugging Stan tightly for much needed comfort. “I love you, I trust you,” he managed, voice shaky. “I promise I’ll come to you or the others, Stanny.”

Stan lifted him up and sat him on the bathroom counter, pushing away a red hand towel to make room. He held him close as he cried, nosing into Bill’s hair and hushing him softly. “You’re okay, you’re safe. I’m right here.” He kissed Bill’s ear and his temple.

Bill felt a jolt go through his body when Stan kissed him; this somehow felt different than the kisses he was used to receiving on the cheek sometimes from Stan. Here, in the Tozier bathroom on the marble sink, looking at Stan who was framed by a curtain of red and gold and currently standing between his legs, it felt like maybe he was safe. He was loved, like Stan had said. Something  _ precious _ . “You don’t have to do that, Stan. I...I’ve worked a lot of extra hours so I can buy them.”

“I  _ want  _ to get you clothes, I don’t want you working so hard, it’s killing you. You are working more than part time  _ and going to school. _ Please? Let me take care of you.” Stan blushed at his words and how fast his heart was beating. What was he doing? He was going to freak Bill out if he pushed it any further. 

The intensity hit him right in the chest and made him balk at that idea. Stan wanted to take care of  _ him? _ Stan wanted to deal with his father so he could buy  _ Bill _ clothes? “What does this mean, you taking care of me? I c-c-c- _ shit! _ ” He paused, trying to take a deep breath before continuing. “I can’t ask that of you,” he finally uttered, looking up at Stan from under his lashes.

Stan shook his head, his hair tickling up against his own face and Bill’s. “You aren’t asking, honey. I’m  _ telling _ you, okay?” He went quiet, trying to think as he pulled back so he could really look at Bill. This was important, and he needed Bill to see him. “It means whatever you want it to mean. You’re my best friend, Billy, and I love you.” He made himself look Bill in the eye. “ _ I love you _ , so I’m gonna do everything I can for you.” Bill  _ was so close _ , Stan could see each freckle on Bill’s cheeks and he wanted to kiss them until Bill believed him. 

Bill faltered. Stan was his  _ best friend _ , like Richie and Eddie were his  _ best friends _ . Like the others were his  _ best friends. _ This whole  _ being in the closet _ thing was starting to get to him, and now apparently anytime anyone of the same gender showed him affection on this level he thought he had some kind of chance. He wished that the others loved him the way he loved them. 

“Stan,” Bill started quietly. “I have something to tell you.” He may as well  _ try _ . Maybe he wasn’t stupid for believing this was within arms reach.

Stan blinked at him, but nodded encouragingly. “You can always talk to me.” He rubbed at Bill’s back, and it occurred to him that Bill had had this shirt since he was _ thirteen.  _ Yeah, he was taking Bill shopping, that’s for sure. 

“I...I am in love with you,” he said, his voice almost a whisper. “And I need you to tell me what this is, because I have to know the boundary.”

_ Oh.  _ Well. Stan didn’t know what to say to that yet, he was too thrown because, well, wasn’t Bill straight? Or, more truthfully, didn’t Bill  _ think  _ he was straight? Instead of saying anything, Stan pet his hand into Bill’s hair and kissed him very softly before pulling away, eyes blown wide because  _ holy shit, he was kissing Bill.  _

Bill whined, chasing Stan’s lips. He kissed him again; God, he was so  _ needy  _ today. “You feel good,” he whispered. He didn’t know what his sexuality was. Didn’t care, in that second. He loved Stan. He wanted Stan like this. He wanted Richie and Eddie like this. He wanted Ben and Mike and Beverly like this. He didn’t know what it meant. He just knew he  _ wanted it _ . And quite frankly, Stan deserved kisses after the day he had.  _ Good kisses _ .

Stan was going to  _ die  _ if he didn’t hear Bill make that sound again. “Yeah? You feel perfect.” He pressed in against Bill until he was leaning over the marble counter and Bill had to curl around him. “You sound pretty like this,” he whispered, not catching himself.  _ Fuck it.  _ “I told you, Billy,  _ I love you.  _ I’m  _ in love with you--” _

“Stan,” Bill moaned and shivered now, pulling Stan’s head down and capturing his lips in a kiss. Stan was sexier than anyone gave him credit for, and Bill got Stan’s attention directed at  _ him. _ He got  _ Stan. _ He was almost giddy with it, but the sudden burst of cold water against his lower back from where his hand slipped brought him right back to reality. He could hear the others goofing off not 20 feet away, Richie obnoxiously trying to  _ serenade  _ Eddie with an out of tune song he’d made up on the spot. “Okay, I...I love you. I want to continue this conversation. But we  _ cannot  _ do anything in this bathroom. It would be weird.”

Stan was taken aback, but nodded, leaning his head back down onto Bill’s shoulder. “Okay, I hear you Billy. I’m sorry.” He touched Bill’s wet shirt and pulled back, unceremoniously taking Bill’s shirt with him. “Trust me, don’t freak out,” he cooed, pulling off his pullover sweater, leaving him in just his blue t-shirt, and wrestled Billy into it. “I don’t want you to get cold.”

Stan’s gray sweater almost dwarfed him, and the goosebumps that had been on his skin moments before immediately dissipated. Shit,  _ shit,  _ he could tell Stan thought he’d done something wrong. And that wasn’t  _ it. _ “Stan, sweetie, please don’t be sorry. I made it weird, please come back, I want to kiss you again--”

“Sweetie?” Stan murmured, crowding back into Bill’s space. 

“Yeah, you’re sweet. So…” Bill blushed, now unsure. Had that been too much?

““I think  _ you’re  _ sweet, so there. I’m not upset.” He gently fixed Bill’s hair and kissed him, keeping his hands to Bill’s cheeks so he wouldn’t mess up Bill’s appearance like he  _ wanted to _ . “I’ll kiss you more tonight, we can sneak outside while everyone’s asleep, okay? Will that make it less weird?” 

He nodded at Stan’s suggestion and leaned forward to kiss him softly. “Yeah, it would.” He couldn’t help but feel like he was betraying Richie and Eddie right now, but especially Richie as this was his house. Being outside would make it easier. “Thank you for wanting to take care of me,” he whispered, not quite ready to let him go yet.

Stan held Bill, trying to show him that he was okay and that nothing was wrong. “I’m always gonna take care of you, baby. Wanna go bother our friends, now? Go eat some popcorn?”

_ Baby _ . He was Stan’s _ baby _ ? The thought left him a little breathless, but he nodded before sliding off the counter. “We should probably save Eddie from his torment,” he said solemnly, but there was no malice in his words. He knew Eddie liked it, even though he would probably never admit that. 

Stan smirked, wrapping his arm around Bill and tugging him out the door, Bill’s wet shirt in hand. “Oh, his  _ torment _ ? Don’t pretend the both of you don’t love it.” He winked at Bill, like he knew a secret (which he did, it wasn’t hard to guess). He burst in the door and grinned when Eddie and Bev both squawked in surprise. “Our great leader, Bill, says he wants popcorn. What do you say, Richard?”

Richie cackled along with Stan, smiling despite himself at how happy Bill looked under Stan’s arm. Like he loved him. Richie was  _ jealous _ , and also oddly  _ not jealous? _ “I say, ‘for Bill, there is nothing we won’t do!’” He threw himself off the bed dramatically into a crumpled mess on the floor, sending Eddie into hysterics. 

As everyone made their way down the stairs, Bev leaning on Mike as he and Eddie kept laughing, and Bill poking at Stan’s side, Richie reached out his hand from the floor and grabbed Ben’s shoe as he passed by. “Hey, Benny?” He asked, pulling himself up a bit when everyone was out of his room and they were alone.

Ben nearly tripped but managed to steady himself, hand against the bed that he hadn’t gotten very far from. He gave Richie a smile, a genuine one. He couldn’t help but think of Richie as  _ cute  _ like this, hair messy and shirt twisted from his constant wiggling. “Yeah, Richie?” He asked, reaching out a hand to help his friend to his feet.

He let Ben help him up, feeling shy. He wrung his hands a little before throwing himself at Ben and hugging him, all limbs and wild movements. “You know we love you, right, Ben?” He said, before growing quiet. Then, much softer, “you know I love you, right?”

Well, Ben had not been expecting  _ that. _ He was almost expecting Richie to keep him behind to talk about the new situation with Stan and Bill, which made his heart sink and skip. He didn’t quite understand why, yet, but...maybe in time. He hugged Richie tightly, burying his face in his friend’s shoulder, feeling emotional and choked up again. Affection from Richie was soul cleansing. “I know, Rich,” he said, a soft smile gracing his features. “I love you, too. All of you.” He pulled back to look Richie in the eyes, bigger behind his glasses. “We’re okay, bud. I promise.”

Richie looked back out the door and faltered momentarily, thinking about how Bill looked at Stan. “Are we?” He ventured, before shrugging like it wasn’t anything to talk about. He kissed Ben’s cheek and started to nudge Ben towards the door. “Come on, corn’s not gonna pop itself.”

Ben blushed at the kiss and grinned, letting Richie prod him out of the door. “We are. I swear. If we weren’t, I wouldn’t be here.” He started down the stairs, but a thought stopped him with his hand on the rail. He turned back one more time to catch Richie’s gaze. “Are you okay?”

Richie frowned, trying to think how to answer. He just tried to shake off his jealousy. “Yeah, just…” He looked down the stairs at Bill and Stan laughing, and Eddie hanging off Mike’s shoulder. “Just thinking. Let’s go eat.”

Ben grabbed Richie’s shoulder as the other moved past him. “Listen,” he said, glancing in the direction Richie had been looking in moments before. “Bill might be looking at Stan like that right now, but you don’t see him when he looks at you. It’s that, but it’s different somehow. Like he’d follow you straight into Hell if you so much as asked.” Richie was quiet, so Ben continued. “And watching Eddie watch you is almost painful. He’s in love with you, but you know what his mom has drilled into his head. It’s gonna take a lot to get him to come to you. You should  _ actually _ tell him. Be serious about it, Rich. Make the first move.” Ben patted his shoulder and gently pushed him forward, now. “Come on. Someone’s waiting on  _ you  _ to make him popcorn.”

Richie gave him a serious look over his shoulder as they made their way down the stairs, a look that he was still getting used to giving. “Hey, same goes for you and how you look at Stan, you know.” He wrapped an arm around Ben’s shoulder and squeezed. “You and me, we’re a couple of lovesick saps. Go kiss your girl while I slave away.” He left Ben next to Bev, and kissed Eddie’s cheek on the way passed him just to see if he could really make himself do it. He beamed when Eddie just smiled at him curiously. Maybe Ben was right. Maybe he’d talk to Eddie about it next time he got him alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for reading! Please leave a kudos, and if you already left one, please leave a comment and say what you think! You can follow us on tumblr at lethimrunsonia and kitchen-witch-bitch.
> 
> We have a blog! Please follow polyamorylosersau on tumblr.


	3. Richie and Eddie

Eddie watched Richie closely after Bill and Stan had come back from…“talking.”

Richie looked fucking  _ heartbroken _ . Yet, Richie still dutifully made all of them popcorn, got the living room set up and blankets for everyone that wanted them (two for Bill, because the boy was still kind of lanky and had a tendency to get cold even when everyone else was comfortable), and still plopped right next to Eddie and tugged him close, forcing him to share a blanket that featured mini BB-8’s on a starry background. It was warm; Eddie didn’t complain.

Richie, as a person, was just warm. However, right now, he didn’t glow like he normally did, like he had when he’d been carrying Bill. And suddenly, Eddie felt a little bit like he was just a backup. A backup for Bill, to be precise. Stan had taken Bill away, so Richie was “flirting” with Eddie. Stan had gotten Bill, so Richie kissed Eddie’s cheek. Eddie had learned a long time ago that Richie just liked “annoying” him. It wasn’t like the guy reciprocated the giant crush Eddie had developed on him so many years ago. 

Truthfully, Eddie understood it. He’d been in love with Bill since they were babies. Anywhere Bill went, Eddie followed. Bill was courageous, smart, protective. Bill was kind and gentle (most of the time). Bill was the kind of man any man would strive to be--confident, compassionate, hard-working to the point of exhaustion. Bill was also sensitive--the front that he put on for everyone else came down when he was with the Losers, and Eddie was in love with the complexity that was William Denbrough.

But Richie, he was sure, was his soul mate. His twin flame, like Beverly’s Aunt Lexie had told him one day when he was helping her take care of a very sick Beverly.

And even though Eddie knew his feelings weren’t reciprocated, Richie was still his best friend. He could feel it deep in his chest when the other was hurt. So under the Star Wars blanket, Eddie grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently before pulling it away and leaving it open for Richie to take if he wanted. Richie did take it, almost immediately, squeezing so hard it hurt as Richie put on a fake smile and started  _ Mad Max: Fury Road _ . Beverly had settled in Ben’s lap, Bill had settled between Stan’s legs on the floor with his head on Stan’s knee, and Mike was stretched out on the opposite end of the couch, pretending to watch the movie, but really he was just staring longingly at Bev and Ben.

Eddie waited for a very long time for Richie to start making comments and snide remarks.

Richie didn’t even open his mouth.

Eddie tried to bait him, once, making a remark about how stupid it was to have a guitarist in battle. Richie still didn’t speak, merely let go of his hand. Eddie’s insides twisted.

So when Richie left halfway through  _ The Notebook  _ with a curt “I don’t feel well,  _ goodnight _ ,” leaving Eddie alone under the blanket, Eddie made to get up and go after him, but Beverly grabbed his arm and shook her head. She pulled out her phone and shot him a quick text before turning her attention back to the movie as if there had been no interaction.

He pulled his phone out of his sweatpants pocket and frowned. 

Bev: Give him a minute. I think he saw Bill and Stan kissing.

Eddie quietly shoved his phone back in his pocket before glancing sideways, seeing that Stan in fact had pulled Bill onto his lap, and was currently giving him soft pecks on the lips. Nothing too obnoxious. Just very sweet.

Eddie  _ wanted _ . And he wasn’t sure with who. Probably both of them. And Richie.

His  _ friend _ , who was _ hurting _ . 

He tried to ignore the way the door upstairs didn’t slam shut like it normally did when Richie went to bed. Richie was being careful. He was trying not to intrude. He glanced over and saw that Richie had left his tear-stained glasses on the couch arm, and his heart ached. Suddenly, he was also mad at Bill and Stan. How could they do that in front of him knowing it would hurt Richie in this way?

Eddie stared at those glasses for the rest of the movie.

When Bill suggested they put in _Saw_ , Eddie really tried to sit through it, give Richie more space and try to prove to the others he could handle it. He made it a whole thirty minutes.

“Okay, I’m tapping out. Night, guys,” he said, grabbing the glasses and heading for the stairs.

“Goodnight,” the others that were awake (Ben had fallen asleep near the end of the Notebook and Mike was fighting sleep himself) chorused, and Eddie nodded at them and went on his way. He always slept in Richie’s room when he slept over, some nights on a pallet on the floor, but most of the time in bed with his friend. He liked sharing a bed with Richie, even though the other slept like he was being electrocuted most nights. That had seemed to stop since they’d gotten him a weighted blanket for Christmas this past year, and Richie seemed like he was feeling better now that he was getting actual sleep. 

So when Eddie padded into the room and saw that Richie was curled up in a ball on top of his blankets, his weighted blanket on the floor as some form of protest, Eddie’s heart broke all over again. He quietly closed the door behind him and tiptoed to the bed, grabbed the blanket and put it next to him as he fished around Richie’s bedside table for a cloth and his cleaning spray for his glasses. Once he’d cleaned them and set them on the table, he stood and gently shook Richie’s shoulder. He knew Richie wasn’t in deep sleep, as he wasn’t snoring yet.

“Rich, come on, bud. Let’s get you covered so you can sleep.”

Richie curled in on himself, groaning at the bright overhead light that he’d left on, forgetting it in his need to quickly get onto his bed. He cursed his idiocy and the fact that he knew it would be obvious that he’d been crying.  _ And  _ he’d left behind his glasses. He couldn’t really see detail, but he could still see enough of the outline of a person to know it was Eddie, even if Eddie hadn’t said anything. He was grateful it was Eddie who came to comfort him, but also mortified that it was Eddie. The only person that would have been worse would have been Bill. 

“I don’t  _ care, _ ” he complained, rolling farther against the wall so Eddie would have room to sleep. “Let’s just sleep, okay?”

“Neither one of us is going to sleep if you aren’t covered,” Eddie insisted, turning on the tiny black lamp on Richie’s bedside table before going back to the light switch and turning off the overhead light. He wanted to give Richie a chance to move under the covers himself. When he returned and saw that Richie hadn’t moved and was just trembling in place, he steeled himself and crossed his arms. “So we’re going to do this tonight? Is that what we’re gonna do, we’re gonna fight?”

Richie struggled out of the corner of the bed and pouted at him. “I don’t wanna fight, okay? Just--let me be miserable, I’ll be fine in the morning.” He was lying, but he’d be better equipped to deal with Bev curled up in Ben’s arms and Stan nipping at Bill’s bottom lip. “Just couldn’t deal with  _ The Notebook. _ Like, fuck you guys, we get it.”

Eddie stood back a little bit, arms crossed against his chest as if he could physically protect himself from the pain of knowing that this was definitely about Bill, and probably about Bev, too. He saw the way Richie looked at  _ both of them. _ “It’s not about the movie, is it?” Eddie finally asked quietly, doing his best to catch Richie’s eyes even though he knew Richie probably couldn’t see his. “And I don’t  _ want  _ you to be miserable. I know I can’t make you feel any certain way, but. If I can help, I want to.”  _ Even if it breaks my heart in the process. _

Richie watched the muddled mass that was Eddie Kaspbrak, the love of his life, and wilted. He rolled so he was facing Eddie completely. He could imagine Eddie’s facial expression, though he couldn’t really make it out. He probably had that soft look in his eye, the look that always made Richie  _ hope.  _ He was quiet, unsure what to say, all his thoughts screaming at him and swirling in his mind. He meant to say, “I’m just being stupid,” but what he actually said was, “why don’t any of you love me?” He froze when he heard his words and stared owlishly at Eddie. “Uh...forget I said that?” 

“What the  _ fuck  _ did you just ask me? Why don’t--why don’t any of us  _ love you _ ?” Eddie was so furious he was back to stammering like he had so often when they were young. “What do you  _ mean  _ why don’t any of us love you?” He kept his arms crossed while Richie sat up, hands up like he was begging not to be shot. “Your glasses are on the bedside table and clean, put them on so I know you can see my face while I’m telling you just how wrong you are about  _ that.”  _ Richie awkwardly felt around his nightstand until he bumped his glass. He hesitantly put them on and was met with Eddie looking  _ murderous.  _

“Bill would stay up your ass and around the corner if he could. Did you see how willing he was to be carried by you? In public? Bill. Bill let you carry him in public. And he was sniffing you and kissing your neck,  _ I saw it. _ ” Eddie’s eyes narrowed, lips pursing. 

Richie opened his mouth to argue, that it was  _ nothing,  _ that Bill had just been tired and upset, but Eddie steamrolled over him.

“Beverly is constantly getting in your lap and nuzzling in your neck and comes to you for comfort and advice all the time, and you go to her more than you would ever admit. She’s never turned you down for anything, and she encourages your nonsense that we all find  _ charming  _ but we don’t tell you that because we’re afraid it would go to your head. But apparently, you need to hear that more, so here it is, you’re  _ funny and charming and intelligent and handsome and it’s not fair for one person to be all of those things, Richard.” _

Richie snapped his mouth shut, having left it open and gaping at all these compliments he didn’t know how to believe. Of course Bev did that, they were close.  _ Eddie didn’t get what he meant.  _ “No, I--” 

Eddie ignored him, face bright red. “Stan checks the bathroom stalls every day to make sure no one’s written anything mean about you and if they have, he marks it out with a sharpie before you can see it. He also has made a habit of  _ accidentally  _ hitting people with his bat when he hears them say shit about you or even heard a rumor that they’d said something!”

“He was my first friend, there’s a bond there--” Was Eddie even listening?

Apparently not. “Ben is so patient with you that it’s unreal, and he listens to every word you say and remembers it exactly. I think I’ve even seen him make notes when you’ve said something exceptionally funny so he can look back at it and laugh later.”

Richie stood up, but immediately sat back down when Eddie took a step forward and started to pace back and forth in front of him. 

“Mike makes it his mission to make sure we are all well-fed, but he brings you extra strawberries fresh from the patch every week because he knows how much you like them. He doesn’t  _ do that  _ for anyone else, you fucking idiot.”

“That’s just cause Mike is sweet--” Richie tried, but Eddie threw his hands up.

“It’s cause he  _ loves you!  _ And I would  _ hope _ that you know that I love you, even though I know I’m not exactly the person you want that from. So don’t you dare ever say anything like that again, Richie.”

“What do you mean, you’re not the person I’d--” Jesus Christ, he’d really riled Eddie up.

Eddie pointed his finger in Richie’s face. “Because I will be here every day to make sure to tell you just how wrong you are about ‘no one loves me.’” Eddie was getting more and more hysterical with every example, speaking so fast that even he was worried Richie may not have understood him at all. He was pretty sure Richie had tried to stop him a few times, but he merely spoke over him to make sure that he was  _ heard  _ and listened to. He felt a drop on his shirt before he realized he was crying, so upset over the fact Richie had even had the inkling of a thought that he wasn’t loved. He wiped at his eyes before walking over and grabbing the weighted blanket again. “Lay down, I want to take care of you, please.”

Richie had given up interrupting Eddie, and just glowered at him from his bed. He didn’t  _ know _ any of that, that Ben cared about what he said, or what Stan made sure people weren’t writing shit about him, but his running thoughts of self hatred kept Stan kissing Bill in the forefront of his mind. As Eddie came closer he snapped, “so why haven’t I been kissed yet, huh?” When Eddie stared at him he started to shake, the energy in the room too much to handle.

“I get why everyone else at school fucking hates me, cause I’m  _ trashmouth  _ and I’m annoying, but I always--” he gripped his hair and stood up, angry. “I was stupid enough to  _ hope.  _ But I  _ know _ who Mike is in love with, and it’s  _ not me.  _ And it’s obvious who Bev and Ben are head over heels for, not to fucking mention dear Billiam and Staniel.” He didn’t even look at Eddie. “Not to mention who  _ you’re in love with.  _ So where does that leave me, hm? Tell me that.”

“I’m last on that list.” Eddie didn’t look at Richie now, just sat down on the bed and toyed with the blanket in his hands that was now too hot on him, but he didn’t care. “Do you want me to be more like Mike? Or like Bill? Or even Bev?”

Richie froze, unsure what Eddie was talking about. He stared at his friend, waiting.

“I know you want  _ them  _ to want you that way. I know they all do, too, but things are just so weird right now and it’s not even about them not liking you or not wanting to kiss you. It just happened to happen with Ben and Bev and Stan and Bill first, and I don’t know if Mike is even gay or not.” Eddie sniffed, and Richie took a step closer. He hadn’t meant to upset Eddie like this, and he wasn’t even sure what Eddie was talking about. The others wanted  _ Richie? _

Eddie didn’t look up from where he was picking at the weighted blanket. “But I want to kiss you. I’ve wanted to kiss you our whole lives. I’ve loved you for so long, but you want  _ Bill  _ or  _ Bev  _ or anyone that’s  _ not me _ . I get it. I’m annoying and get too close to you and-and...I shouldn’t have come up here and bothered you. I’m sorry.” He pushed the blanket away and stood, walking around Richie and making his way to the door.

Richie’s hand shot out and grabbed Eddie’s wrist as he passed him, tugging him back. “Don’t say that shit about yourself, Eds.” It wasn’t what he meant to say first, but it’s what upset him the most. “I mentioned you last cause you’re the least likely to…well I thought you were the least likely person to want me.” He tried to get Eddie to turn around, insistently prodding at Eddie’s cute shirt that Richie was sure was one of his older ones. “You want to kiss me?”

Eddie didn’t turn but nodded, still holding himself as Richie spoke. “Y-yeah. But...but you want  _ them _ , so. That’s...that’s why I haven’t, you know…” he let himself trail off, biting his lip to keep from sobbing. He was embarrassed. He was upset for a lot of reasons. And Richie had snapped at him and he  _ didn’t like that  _ but he couldn’t even be mad. He’d snapped, too. 

Richie held Eddie still by the shoulders as he made his way around so he could face Eddie. “Eds...you have to know that’s not...of  _ course _ I want them, but I  _ need _ you. You don’t know that?”

“You...you  _ need  _ me?” Eddie asked, looking up at him quizzically, face red.

Richie reached forward and moved his hand up Eddie’s cheek, taking his time. His skin was so soft, and Richie’s finger dried the tears that were stuck on his cheek. He rested his thumb at the dimple sitting near Eddie’s lip. “I need you more than anything.” His other hand came up and swiped away another tear. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, Eds, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry.” Eddie sniffed, still holding himself nervously, his arms tight around his stomach.  _ Richie was touching him and he didn’t know what to do with his hands _ . “I’m just...just upset that you don’t know how loved you are. And embarrassed, because I didn’t think I could ever tell you that because...well, you’re  _ you  _ and I’m just... _ me. _ ” He moved just a little closer. “And I just want to hold you and make it better and kiss you all you want. But you’re hurting and...I don’t know. What if...what if it turns out that I’m not enough, once you’ve had some time to rest and think? I couldn’t stand it if this made things weird, because you’re my best friend and I like sharing the bed with you and I  _ like it  _ when you tease me and I don’t want to  _ lose _ any of that.”

“Not enough? Eddie Kaspbrak, not enough?  _ For me? _ ” Richie pulled Eddie’s face until their noses touched. “Eddie, I’ve wanted to kiss you since we were little. Since I  _ met  _ you. I’m gonna wanna kiss you when I’m 89 and you haven’t turned 89 yet and I’m making fun of you for being young and you’ll  _ pout at me _ like you always do.” He tried to take a deep breath, hands shaking from how important this felt. “Eddie, I’m so  _ fucking  _ in love with you, can’t you see it?”

Eddie didn’t need to hear anything else. He moved the inch it took to meet Richie’s lips, slotting his lips against the other man’s and letting out a tiny sound of surprise at how perfectly they fit together. Richie’s lips were so soft, and they tasted like the popcorn they’d had earlier. Salty and buttery and warm. He moved closer, not opening his eyes or pulling his lips away for even a second as he wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck, his hands resting in Richie’s hair and keeping his face glued to Eddie’s. 

Kissing Richie was like being born. Suddenly he understood why everything before this had to be so shitty--he had to have all of that to appreciate just how special it was to kiss your soulmate. Richie’s arms were his  _ home _ . Wherever Richie was, he was safe, and loved, and needed. Richie was the rest of his life. This was where he needed to be, and needed to follow. His hands moved to Richie’s face, holding his cheeks as he gently started to pull away.

“Don’t stop kissing me, not yet,” he whispered, using his arms to pull Eddie against his chest. “I’ve wanted this my whole life, I’m gonna take such good care of you, Eds.” He dipped his head down,  _ a lot _ , honestly, because Eddie was like 5’4 and Richie was  _ not.  _ “We’re gonna have to do that thing where I just carry you when we kiss so I don’t break my neck.”

Eddie snorted and reached up on tip-toe to kiss Richie again, and it was just as good as it was the first time. He wrapped his arms around his neck like that’s where they’d always belonged, sighing happily into their kiss before pulling back. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He glanced back at the bed before looking at Richie. “We could sit, you know? But...I’m not opposed to being carried.”

Richie grinned, walking Eddie backwards until they both fell onto his bed.  _ The bed he’d thought about Eddie on since...forever.  _ He blushed and straddled Eddie, grabbing his old Star Wars sheet near Eddie’s hair to keep from touching his hair how he wanted. _ Oh, _ he could touch that now, couldn’t he? He put one hand through Eddie’s locks and watched his hair fall through his fingers like it was the entire universe. 

“Richie,” Eddie whispered, reaching up and tugging at his Avenged Sevenfold shirt to pull him closer. “Please, kiss me. Want to show you how much I love you.”

Richie let out a little surprised noise before giving Eddie what he wanted, like he always did. He pressed their lips together and licked his bottom lip gently, whining when Eddie opened his mouth for him.  _ Fuck,  _ he was going to explode. “Eddie,  _ I love you. _ ”

“I love  _ you,  _ Richie,” Eddie swore, capturing his lips with his own. “I need you. I’m so sorry you didn’t know...didn’t know how much, either. What do I need to do to show you?”

Richie grazed his teeth across Eddie’s lip and stared down at him. He couldn’t believe Eddie was here, looking up at Richie like that. “I believe you, how could I not? I thought  _ you _ knew, too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” He tipped Eddie’s head up and kissed him, becoming needy. “Have you...made out with someone before?”

Eddie shook his head, blushing. “No. I’ve...I kissed someone, once. We both wanted to practice, but it didn’t go very far. Not more than a peck. This is...very different.” His chest felt tight. “Have...have you?”

Richie ducked his head, shy. “No. I--I know I say lots of shit like I have, but…” He shrugged, glancing down at Eddie, face turning red. “Guess...that’s my first kiss, then.”

A large grin took over Eddie’s face and he pulled Richie’s face back up, kissing him again. “You’re very good at it,” he whispered, a tingle going down his spine as Richie licked into his mouth again. 

“Yeah?” He murmured, voice husky. “So are you, fuck.” He rolled to his side and pulled Eddie in closer to him, tucking him under his arm. “I wanna kiss you forever. How am I gonna do anything else?”

Eddie shrugged, shy and suddenly speechless at the prospect of everything that had just happened. Richie  _ wanted _ to kiss  _ him _ .  _ Richie _ needed _ him _ . He buried his face in Richie’s neck and cuddled closer, shivering at the cool air that was flowing through the open window. However, Richie was like a furnace, and Eddie was quickly warming up. All he could think about was the tone Richie’s voice had taken on--he imagined Richie calling him  _ baby, good boy, mine _ , things of that nature, and he was suddenly very warm. He wanted to hear Richie talk like that  _ all the time _ . 

“Did I make you shy, Eds?” He cooed, bopping his nose with his finger, smiling brightly when Eddie scrunched up his nose in response. “You’re so  _ cute. _ ”

Eddie again hid his face in Richie’s neck. “No, not cute. I’m  _ pretty _ .” 

Richie held him close, kissing along his temple and behind his ear. “Yeah, you’re pretty. So fucking pretty.  _ But _ , you are  _ cute,  _ too, baby.”

_ Baby?  _ Eddie wiggled nervously. "...Call me that again, please?" He asked quietly. “ _ Liked  _ it.”

“Oh?” Richie nuzzled into Eddie’s neck and kissed the skin there. “You liked that,  _ baby _ ?”

“ _ Yes, _ ” he whined, letting out a breathy moan when Richie kissed him, blushing at how quickly he was falling apart. Oh  _ God _ it would hurt if Richie left, and Eddie prayed he wouldn’t have to deal with that anytime soon, if ever.

Richie grinned, devilish, leaning over Eddie and waggling his eyebrows. “Honey, sweetheart, love bug, lover, boo, dear, love of my life, doll—“

"Richie," Eddie admonished, blushing even harder and leaning only just slightly out of reach, not actually intent on getting away, just wanting Richie to chase him a  _ little _ bit.

Richie pressed Eddie down onto his bed and straddled him again, grinning maniacally. Eddie really  _ did  _ like this. “Cuddle bear, sugar, boo boo, lover boy, candy... _ Eds _ .”

"Never call me those last six again," Eddie insisted, blushing as Richie watched him squirm. 

“So the first few were fine, lovebug?” He teased, leaning down and hovering his face over Eddie’s. 

"Yes," Eddie admitted quietly, tummy flipping at  _ lovebug _ .

“Eds will always be my favorite, though...Spageddie is a close second.” He kissed Eddie before he could start yelling at him.

"I think I could maybe be  _ okay _ with Eds. Spageddie is...on the table." He kissed Richie back, sucking on his bottom lip softly. Now that he'd gotten a taste of Richie, he didn't think he'd be able to give it up.

“What about me, sweetheart?” He tucked Eddie’s hair behind his ear, kissing along his cheek bone. “What should you call me?”

_ Sweetheart _ was a good one. He ran a hand down Richie’s chest, thinking. “Honey, babe, baby, gorgeous, dove, angel heart, baby doll, cuddle muffin, cheese ball,” he smirked at that one, “but I think most importantly,  _ mine.”  _ He heard Richie whine quietly in his ear. “Do you like those, baby? I have more.”

Richie gulped and slid his nose along Eddie’s face until he pulled up to look at Eddie fully. “ _ Please _ call me those things.” He grinned, letting himself be goofy. “Especially  _ cheese ball  _ during sex, it will really get me going.”

“I’m  _ not  _ going to pull out  _ cheese ball  _ during  _ sex,  _ Jesus  _ Christ _ .” Eddie couldn’t help but giggle at that, though. He would laugh too hard at the nickname and they would have to stop cause Richie was being too funny. He blushed a little when he realized what had just been said, though. Oh. Oh  _ fuck. _ Richie wanted to... _ do that  _ with him?

Richie snorted, running his hands up Eddie’s sides. “You sure? I bet it would be  _ sexy. _ ” He grinned at his own teasing before his own eyes grew big.  _ Shit.  _ “I mean--I don’t wanna like  _ assume--”  _

“I want to,” Eddie rushed out, quick to reassure through giggles at the light touches. “Not the cheese ball thing, but the, uh, other thing.”  _ Fighting off a boner right now, actually, which is really hard to do with your very full ass against my groin and your hands on me, I should be getting an  _ award _.  _

Richie rocked back against Eddie’s hips and grinned, a bit wicked. “ _ The other thing. _ You can’t do it if you can’t even say it, baby.” He continued to tickle him, hands diving under Eddie’s shirt with glee. 

“R-R-Richie!” Eddie was breathless and in stitches, and Richie’s rocking against him helped to break the concentration he’d had on not getting a boner. He got hard embarrassingly quickly and half-heartedly pushed at Richie’s hands. “Okay, okay! I want to have sex with you. So, so badly.”

Arousal hit him like a punch in the gut and Richie’s breath stuttered. “ _ Fuck. _ ” He said the first thing he could think of. “ _ Good boy.” _ He blushed furiously and ducked his head down into Eddie’s chest. 

Eddie’s breath caught. Hearing Richie actually say that to him was a fucking dream, better than any single one he’d ever had about Richie before. “I’m...I’m a good boy?” He asked, hoping that Richie would come out of hiding and say that  _ again _ if he showed him it was  _ okay _ . 

Richie pressed his face into Eddie’s neck and moaned. Eddie was going to be the end of him, he was so perfect. “ _ Yes, _ ” he purred, face red and eyes bright. “ _ My  _ good boy. You like that, baby doll?”

“Yeah, wanna be your good boy,” Eddie nodded, kissing his head and trying not to fucking  _ come from Richie talking like that _ . “Like it a  _ lot _ .”

“You _are_ a good boy, okay, beautiful?” Richie gave Eddie sweet kisses up his throat and onto his chin. “You’re gonna make me excited, honey, are you okay?”

Eddie bit his lip and kissed Richie, nodding. “I’m okay, but...I don’t want our first time to be here. Not in Derry.”

Richie nodded, though his erection wanted to argue. He didn’t care that much, though. Having Eddie love him was enough. He continued kissing Eddie’s lips, making little happy noises. “I get it, I do.” He went quiet and kissed both of Eddie’s cheeks. “I’m going to get all of us out of here, I promise.”

“Where are we gonna go, dove?” Eddie asked, looking at him seriously. “We’ve gotta...we’ve gotta go far, and my mom can’t find out I’m going until the day I leave.”

“Wherever we can. What do you want to  _ do? _ Be a doctor, right? Where could we go to school for you?” He held Eddie’s face, just as serious. “We’ll get everyone in on it, we never have to come back if we don’t want to, okay?” 

“New York,” Eddie blurted. “I’ve been looking at New York, Richie. NYU has a great program and...it’s far enough away and we could get lost there if we have to.” 

“New York it is, then. I’ll do anything I have to do to get in, okay?” He grinned at Eddie, heart too big and beating faster than it ever had before.  _ Eddie  _ was looking at a future with him. With  _ Richie.  _ He kissed him softly. “I’m gonna keep you safe.”

He kissed Richie back, just as soft. “I know I’m safe with you,” he whispered, reaching up and pushing some of Richie’s curls behind his ear. 

He held him as they laid there, just listening to Eddie breathe. He frowned as a thought occurred to him, and he blurted out, “It’s not...bad that I love them, too?” He cringed at asking, but he had to. He didn’t wanna upset Eddie, and even if Richie was broken like this, by being in love with all his friends, maybe Eddie could help him somehow. 

“No, love, of course not.” Eddie snuggled close, tracing Richie’s cheek bone with his finger. “Not at all.”

Richie stared at him, eyes wide. “I’m not...a freak?” 

“Of course you’re not a freak!” Eddie insisted, biting his lip. “I, uh, have a crush on Bill.” He ducked his head. “And Stan. And Mike and Ben and maybe Bev? I mean, she’s so pretty and nice but I’ve just never had a crush on a girl, you know?”

Richie sat up, moving partially over Eddie again. He liked looking at Eddie while he was on Richie’s bed, sprawled out underneath him. “You have more than a crush, if I wasn’t so in love with Bill I think I’d hate him for how much you love him. Stan too.” 

Eddie blushed hard as Richie outed him. “It’s not  _ that bad _ ...is it?”

“It’s at least as bad as  _ mine _ ,” he told him, as if imparting bad news. “There's no cure, as far as I know.” He nuzzled against Eddie’s shoulder. “Maybe you just have feelings for  _ Losers _ , who cares what gender we are, you know?”

Eddie nodded at Richie’s conclusion. “Yeah, that...that makes sense.” He still wasn’t sure, though. And he wanted to know  _ why  _ they were in love with their friends. He’d never heard of anything like this before. 

Richie glanced at the clock and groaned. “Fuck, we gotta sleep or everyone’s wake up before us and they are gonna draw penises on our faces.”

Eddie gagged while he laughed, and reached up and tugged at the covers, pulling them down as much as he could. “Yeah, let’s sleep. Cuddle with me, please?”

Richie curled around Eddie, flinging a leg over his shin. “I’ve literally always wanted to hear you say that.”

Eddie let his back rest against Richie’s chest and closed his eyes, sighing happily as they settled. “Me too. You’re comfy. Thank you for loving me too,” he whispered sleepily. 

“Thank  _ you,  _ for loving  _ me, _ ” he answered, nuzzling into the back of Eddie’s neck and squeezing his arm around his middle. He hoped desperately when he woke up that this would still be real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a kudos, or if you already have, please comment! We wanna know your thoughts. You can follow us on tumblr at lethimrunsonia and kitchen-witch-bitch.
> 
> We have a blog! Please follow polyamorylosersau on tumblr.


	4. Stan and Bill Pt. 2 (and some Stan/Eddie, Eddie/Bill, Richie/Bill, Richie/Stan, and Richie/Eddie!)

As excited as Bill was about this new development with Stan, the surge of anxiety that hit him when he watched Richie stumble blindly up the stairs made him shiver. Was Richie  _ mad  _ at him? Eddie left not long after, too, and something warm and rusty hit him in the gut, twisting and turning. He had been right; he’d betrayed Richie, somehow, being affectionate with Stan in the other’s house. 

He didn’t understand  _ why _ , though. Richie belonged to Eddie, Eddie belonged to Richie. That’s just how it was. Why did Richie care what Bill did during their movie nights?

And now, it seemed, Bill found a place where he fit, too. With Stan, who was constantly going on about how cute Ben was, how nice of an ass he had, how sweet Ben was, how...perfect, he was. 

But, Ben was unavailable. And somehow, Bill was the next best thing. He wasn’t going to complain, especially as Stan had been unable to keep his hands and lips off of him. Stan was wonderful and warm like an old, cozy sweater, and Bill was comfortable against him under a crocheted yellow, orange, and red blanket that Richie’s grandmother had given the Toziers last Christmas. He’d pushed the extra blue and white one away, as he was warm against the furnace that was Stan.

He shifted uncomfortably in Stan’s lap for the rest of  _ Saw _ after Eddie left, and when he glanced over and saw that Mike was fully asleep, chest rising and falling with his quiet snoozing, he chanced a look at Beverly and Ben. Beverly’s eyes were closed as her head rested against Ben’s shoulder, and Ben’s gentle snores told him that the man was asleep.

Good. It had been a pretty rough day for him.

He had the urge to give them each a kiss on the forehead to say goodnight, but he swallowed it down and glanced up from where he’d finally settled against Stan, catching his glance and giving him an unconvincing smile.

“Um, so…” he started, voice low. “We were gonna...talk?”

Stan’s heart sank. It’s not like Stan didn’t  _ know  _ Bill was in love with Richie and Eddie, but being reminded that he might have fucked up  _ already  _ with Bill hurt. Bill had wiggled around, obviously worried when both of them left and never came back. Nothing Stan did distracted him.

“Yeah, let’s grab the blanket and go outside. I don’t wanna wake up Bev and the boys.” He stood on unstable legs and helped Bill up, keeping him wrapped up in the warm colored blanket. “Come on, sweet burrito.”

Bill followed Stan quietly into the fenced-in backyard, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. Here, they were safe to be affectionate like this, without being worried someone would hurt them for just  _ holding hands _ . He watched Stan move, frowning as he noticed Stan seemed to be retreating back into himself. 

He might have already lost Richie and Eddie tonight. He couldn’t handle it if he lost Stan, too. He had an unhealthy obsession with having Stan’s approval, and it unnerved him that Stan was withdrawing. Was he second-guessing this? Had Richie’s reaction thrown him off his game like it had done with Bill?

Bill shook his head as if he could shake the thoughts away and sat criss-crossed on the patio, pulling the blanket tighter around his body. He looked up at Stan, waiting, expression lost. He was trying to be open, communicate with his face that Stan could be honest with him. He could handle it, whatever it was.

Stan sat right next to Bill, pressing his side up against the blanket surrounding his boyfriend. “I hope my sweater is helping keep you warm under there, let me know if I need to get you another blanket, sweetheart.” 

_ Sweetheart.  _ Maybe they were okay? Bill nodded, letting his head rest against Stan’s shoulder. “I’m very warm because of you. Thank you.”

There was a long stretch of silence while Stan picked at his hands, shy. 

Bill nudged him, urging him on. He didn’t like how nervous Stan looked.

Stan finally spoke, still not looking at Bill. He forced himself to be open. “I know...how you look at them. I get it, you know? But please...let me show you that I can make you feel like that, too.” 

Bill’s heart _broke._ “Stan, baby,” he started softly, moving the blanket down so his arms were free. He reached out and took one of Stan’s hands and held it between both of his own. It was time to comfort _him._ “I’m _in love with_ _you._ ” Bill blushed a little at having his feelings outlined for him so blatantly, but continued. “Richie and I, or Eddie and I...that’s not. That’s not gonna happen. They’re stupid in love, you know? It would be wrong of me to expect anything because I might have a little crush on both of them.” He was quiet for a moment, trying to think about how to word what he wanted to say. “But you...I know how much you want Ben, and I know I’m not him, but...I’d like to think you and I could be something really good. I have loved you for a very long time, and I know you love me. You help keep me calm and safe and you’re better to me than I deserve. I want you to feel as special as you make me feel.”

Stan listened intently, his face pinched in focus. He smoothed his thumb over the top of Bill’s hand, thinking about what to say. “I want you to know that you deserve the best, Billy. I’m not...getting with you because I can’t have Ben. I’m getting with you because I  _ want  _ to, I love you.” 

Bill watched Stan’s face, leaning forward and giving him a small peck on the lips. “And  _ I’m _ choosing  _ you _ , Stan. I love  _ you. _ ” Admitting to Stan that he was in love with him had been a risk he was glad he had taken. Frankly, he was amazed Stan still noticed him after Ben. But Stan  _ chose _ Bill. Bill had heard somewhere that love meant choosing to love the person you’re with regardless of what’s going on outside of that. Choosing them every time. 

Stan gave Bill a brilliant smile, beaming at Bill. Bill Denbrough was  _ in love  _ with  _ him?  _ Stan moved until he was facing Billy, eyes pleading. “Maybe, maybe it doesn’t have to be this hard, you know? Maybe someday we will figure it out. We can get out of this stupid town, you know?” He went quiet, squinting in thought. “But I need you to know that I’m  _ choosing _ you because I love you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Bill nodded slowly, listening and absorbing what Stan was saying. “Maybe. A very big maybe, but...I don’t know.” He let out a small chuckle. “Maybe. There’s a lot of possibilities in that word. Infinitely more possible if we leave.”

“I’ll do everything for you, Billy.” He pushed himself forward and kissed Bill, very soft and sure. He felt pulled in by how warm Bill was and sat in his lap, wrapping around Bill and kissing him harder. He pulled away, leaning his forehead onto Bill’s. “I...I never thought you’d even  _ look  _ at me.”

Bill wrapped his arms around Stan and tugged him closer, trying to let all the love he had for his friend pour into their kiss. “Why wouldn’t I look at you? Don’t you know how gorgeous you are?”

Stan blushed, chasing Bill’s mouth with his own for another kiss. “Don’t you know how gorgeous  _ you  _ are?” 

“This is not  _ about me _ ,” Bill countered, face red as Stan kissed his nose. He wasn’t gorgeous like Stan or Bev or cute like Eddie or hot like Mike, Ben, and Richie. He was just..average.

Stan playfully glared at Bill, but let it go. He gently kissed Bill’s forehead for a few moments, eventually saying, “I thought...that if you ever came out, it would be because of Richie or Eds.” Stan faltered. “Not that you  _ need  _ to come out.”

Bill was quiet for a long time, chewing on his bottom lip. “I don’t...I don’t know what I am, exactly. That’s why I don’t really talk about it. I just know that I love you, and that’s what matters.” 

He tipped Bill’s chin up and kissed his nose. “That’s  _ okay _ . You don’t need to know, and if you  _ want  _ to know, I’ll help you, honey bun.” Stan nuzzled into his arms. “I happen to be pansexual, I think. But you don’t have to have a label.”

Bill blushed even further as Stan called him  _ honey bun  _ and nodded. “I don’t want to look at it too deeply, you know? It really just kinda gives me panic attacks thinking about it. Maybe someday.” There was a lot more in question than just his sexuality, that was for sure. He buried his face in Stan’s shoulder. “On that note, though...it’s not  _ safe _ , here. And I know that makes me a pussy or whatever, but...I don’t want anyone getting hurt worse than we already are.”

Stan hushed him, pulling his head closer to his chest so he could make Bill feel safe. “You are  _ not  _ a pussy, honey. I’m serious.” He kissed the side of Bill’s head, over and over. “We don’t have to act any different, we are all pretty affectionate anyways. Then, when we graduate, all of us can get the hell out of Derry and then,” his voice dropped, “I’m gonna kiss you  _ all the time. _ ”

“I like that we’re all so affectionate now,” Bill murmured. He really did like the cuddle piles and hand-holding and soft kisses. He shivered at Stan’s tone, giggling like a schoolgirl. “ _ Sweetie _ ,” he insisted. “You’ll get tired of kissing me by then, I’m sure.”

Stan growled and flopped Bill backward, discarding the blanket and climbing on top of him. “I will  _ never  _ get tired of kissing you, baby boy. You’re so  _ fucking  _ pretty.”

“S-S-Stan!” Bill squawked, blushing furiously at being called  _ baby boy _ . It had turned him on faster than he’d ever care to admit, and he was hoping that Stan wasn’t close enough to  _ feel _ just exactly what he thought of this situation. “W-well, I’ll never get tired of kissing you, either, gorgeous.” 

“Yeah, honey?” He cooed, not knowing where this overpowering feeling of need was coming from. He was gonna run with it, though. Bill was being so  _ cute.  _ He kissed him quiet, nipping at his lips and down his neck. “ _ Baby boy. _ You like that one?”

"Uh- _ huh _ ," Bill whined, leaning his neck back so Stan had better access to it. He was writhing underneath Stan with want, wanting to be precious, to be loved, to be  _ Stan’s.  _ "L-l-like it."

“Billy, baby, I wanna mark you up but I can’t do it here on your neck.” Stan’s voice was low, and sweet and slow like honey. He tugged on the end of  _ his own sweater hanging off Bill  _ and rolled it up to the top Bill’s chest. “Can I, here?” He asked, fingers tickling down Bill’s peck. 

Bill’s head jerked up and down to indicate ‘yes’ as he bit his lip, trying to hold back a giggle at Stan's soft fingers. He felt exposed, now, but this was  _ safe _ . It was Stan. Stan would make sure he was taken care of and warm and protected from prying eyes. 

Stan nibbled at the skin near his fingers, licking at the mark he made and then sucked on it until Bill grabbed his hair. He glanced up at him, his blue eyes reflecting the porch light. Very, very carefully, he kissed Bill’s nipple. “You okay, pretty?”

" _ Oh _ ," Bill gasped, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. Stan was so fucking sexy it was  _ unfair.  _ "Very okay," he promised, voice low. "Again, please?"

Stan nodded, mouth still close to Bill’s nipple. He flicked out his tongue and started to tease it, reaching up his other hand to toy with the other. “Fuck, Billy, you sound so  _ good. _ Gonna make me lose it.”

"Y-yeah?" Bill asked with a blush, suddenly very shy. "I'm good for you?"

Stan popped off Bill’s chest, blush creeping down his neck. “Baby, you’re  _ perfect.  _ Were you this good for Bev? No wonder I was so jealous.”

Bill ducked his head, shrugging. "We didn't really, uh...go much further than making out." 

“That’s okay,” Stan reassured, laying his weight down on top of Bill so he could hold him. “We don’t have to do anything like that, either.”

Bill toyed with Stan's shirt, jittery and excited and just a touch embarrassed at the implications of Stan’s statement. "You were jealous, honey?"

He kissed the tip of Bill’s nose, then across to his cheek. “Yeah? Of course I was. She got to kiss you all the time. I mean, sometimes I was jealous of  _ you,  _ too, but I wanted to know how you tasted.”

Bill gave him a dopey grin--how did he get so lucky? He settled down, much calmer now with Stan on top of him like the perfect weighted blanket. "How do I taste?" He asked softly, reaching up and toying with Stan's hair. 

Stan’s heart fluttered at the look Bill gave him. Shit, he was so in love it  _ hurt.  _ “Like the rest of my life.” He steeled himself because  _ when  _ did he start talking like Ben (or Rich when he was alone with just a few of them, and too tired with loose lips)?

Bill’s breath caught. Had Stan really just said that about  _ him?  _ "Stan," he whispered. "I love you  _ so much.  _ You want me that long?"

Stan held Bill’s face and looked at him, eyes full of promise and longing. “I want you  _ forever.  _ No matter what, okay?”

“No matter what,” Bill promised, leaning up to kiss him once more.

Stan moved into their kiss, holding Bill’s face with gentle hands. “How did I get so lucky?” He pulled the sweater Bill wore back down his chest, giving him a shy smile. “Are you sleepy? Should we go back inside?”

“I’m lucky,” Bill insisted. He shrugged a little, remembering just how upset Richie had looked and suddenly not feeling super welcome inside. “I, uh. I don’t know. I kind of like it out here.” 

Stan squinted at him, unconvinced. “Is this about Richie, honey?”

Bill ducked his head, shivering. Under that look, he was more exposed than if he were naked in front of Stan. “He looked so upset. I don’t know if he’s angry or hurt and I don’t understand why, but. He wouldn’t even look at me. He’s my friend and the last thing I want to do is upset him somehow.”

Stan gave him a look. “ _ Baby. _ Think really hard. Why would Richie be sad about us kissing?”

“Maybe he likes you,” he responded, kicking his foot out a little. “Or, or...because there was a lot of lovey-dovey stuff happening in his house and he...doesn’t think he can have that with Eddie.”

God, Bill was a himbo. Stan  _ adored  _ him. “It probably has at least  _ something  _ to do with that last one.” He pulled at Bill until he sat in Stan’s lap. “But Eddie went to talk to him, so maybe Richie was wrong.” He toyed with Bill’s hair, thinking. “Will you be okay if they get together?”

“Yes,” he said, a touch too quickly as his stomach churned. “I mean...we all know that’s where that’s headed. There’s no Richie without Eddie and no Eddie without Richie, so. They’re made for each other. Why wouldn’t I be okay with that?” He could not seem to  _ stop talking _ . “A-a-and now I have  _ you _ . And you’re wonderful and sweet and good to me and that’s what I need. I got very lucky that you like me, too.”

Stan let him talk, rubbing his hand up and down Bill’s back as he started to become upset. “Honey. You can love them and me. I’m okay with that. And you are allowed to be upset that they are together when you want to be with them.” He pulled Bill closer, placing his face against Bill’s neck. “If you need to let it out, I’m right here. Okay? I mean it.”

Bill nodded, nosing at Stan’s hair and breathing him in to calm himself. There was a light scent of coconut there that lingered from the shower he’d had precisely at 6:30 that morning, just like he always did on school days. Bill hugged his boyfriend tightly, still scared of letting go. He didn’t want to cry  _ again,  _ no matter how much he might need to. “I know,” he promised, voice uneven and small. “I just want them to be happy. And I know right now Richie’s not and I can’t fix it.”

Stan hummed, dipping Bill’s head back and kissing up his neck. “They  _ will be.  _ And no you can’t make them be together, but you being close to Richie really helps him brighten up. How about you sit in his lap for breakfast, okay? I’ll sit right next to you. I bet they’re doing okay, if not together, and Richie will be so happy that you still wanna show him affection. I bet you like a million dollars.”

_ But what if they  _ are  _ together by morning and Eddie wants to be in his lap? Richie would choose Eddie. Bill would have no claim to his lap anymore.  _ Bill sniffled and melted into Stan’s kisses, trying to just push those thoughts away and just trust Stan. “It won’t hurt your feelings if I do?”

Stan shook his head, nosing up to Bill’s ear and nuzzling into his warmth. “No. I believe you when you say that you love me and wanna be with me. I want you to be happy.” He kissed Bill’s temple. “I want Richie to be happy, too. You really do that for him.”

“I do?” Bill asked quietly, curling closer. 

Stan helped Bill cuddle up against him. “Yeah, it’s really cute. Do you want to go talk to him tonight? I can hear them laughing upstairs. I don’t want you to be worried all night, sweet boy.”

_ Sweet boy  _ had him purring and he nodded. “Want you to come too, though. Maybe...maybe we can all cuddle together in Richie’s bed.” He wrapped his arms around Stan’s neck and his legs around his waist, clutching him tightly. “Cuddling with you feels good.”

Stan chuckled, cradling him tightly. “I got you, honey. Wanna go up there? Want me to carry you?”

Bill nodded, allowing himself to be coddled. He was too tired to protest it, and he didn’t really want to. “Please?”

Stan carefully stood up, keeping his arms under Bill’s legs to support him. “Hold on tight, baby.” He grabbed the blanket and wrapped Bill up in it. They tiptoed past the kitchen, noticing the soft glow emanating from it. He thought he could hear voices but continued up the stairs until they reached Richie’s room. He knocked as quietly as possible, and smiled when Richie opened the door, hair every which way. 

“Stanny?” Richie mumbled, before his gaze softened at seeing Bill. “Hey guys, what’s up?”

Stan nodded towards Richie’s bed, where he could see a groggy Eddie watching them. “See, Rich, Bill felt bad about upsetting you,  _ cause of it being too lovey dovey. _ ” He gave Richie a look that said  _ ‘he doesn’t get it don’t worry.’  _ “So we wanted to come give you a hug. Eddie too.”

Richie ducked his head, embarrassed. Had he really been that obvious? His heart warmed that Bill was so sweet and so clueless. “Yeah, of course. Come in.” He glanced back at Eddie. “If that’s okay with you, Eds?”

Bill’s warm face  _ did not move _ from Stan’s neck the entire conversation, and he was starting to feel like this had been a bad idea. Richie sounded...off. Eddie was thinking entirely too long (probably only a few seconds, but Bill was worked up and had a tendency to be over dramatic).

“Of course that’s okay,” Eddie assured, scooting over just a touch. “There’s always room for you two.”

Only after that did Bill peek out, giving both Richie and Eddie a shy smile. He then glanced up at Stan, still nervous. “Down?” 

Stan indulgently settled him on the ground as Richie let them in. He ushered Bill forward while he wrapped an arm around Richie’s shoulder. “You okay, honey?” He only called Richie that when he was  _ worried _ , and he kept his voice quiet so only Richie could hear. 

Richie sighed, flopping onto Stan’s shoulder. “I am  _ now.  _ I was just…”

Stan kissed his cheek. “Jealous? I know. I’m sorry.” He meant it, too. “But  _ please  _ remember that you are not the only dramatic and sensitive one?”

Richie deflated, glancing over at Bill. “I scared him?”

“Only a little. He doesn’t  _ get it. _ ”

Richie sighed. “Neither do I, honestly.”

Stan squeezed him. “We’ll figure it out as we go, right? Losers stick together.”

Bill had made himself comfortable on the bed next to Eddie, snuggling close as Eddie wrapped his arms around him. “Are you mad at me?” He whispered.

“Of course not,” Eddie cooed, petting Bill’s hair. “I was just worried about Richie, that’s all.” He glanced up at Stan and Richie, who were still in the midst of their own conversation. “I think it helps that you two came up here.  _ Someone _ thinks that we don’t love him.”

Bill’s brow furrowed and his frown deepened. Richie needed more affection from them than he let on, and Bill was happy to provide. He did feel really bad about being so affectionate with Stan in front of him, with Ben and Bev doing the same not two feet away. He glanced over and caught Stan’s eye, holding out his hand for him. “B-b-bed’s getting cold,” he said softly. 

Stan took Richie’s hand and pulled him to the bed with him. He pushed Richie down first, next to Bill, and then crawled onto the bed behind him. “Come on now, we know how cold Billy gets. Can’t let him freeze.”

Richie glared at Stan, but he settled when he felt Stan cling to him, pressed against his back completely. He reached forward and slowly touched Bill’s face. “I’m sorry I scared you, Billy. I was just being a little sensitive.”

Bill’s pulse was beating erratically as he was effectively sandwiched in between Richie and Eddie and Stan and  _ Richie was touching his face, Richie was being soft with him.  _ “Wasn’t scared,” Bill protested, but shrunk at the twin looks he got from Richie and Stan. “Just...worried,” he amended. “You seemed so upset and I didn’t know why. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Rich.”

Eddie held Bill tighter, sharing a glance with Richie and Stan. “I think he’s better now, hm?”

Richie softened, moving to pull both of them close against his chest. “Yeah, I’m much better. Thank you for thinking of me, Billy.”

Stan couldn’t help himself and reached over Richie to rest his hand on Bill’s hip. He'd forgotten how  _ warm  _ Richie was, how safe. He gave the back of Richie’s head a kiss. “What’s this I heard about Richie not feeling loved?”

“Oh, yes, Richie and I talked about that at length.” Eddie felt fire from the pits of hell in his throat, reminded of how upset and angry he was that Richie could think and seriously believe such a thing. “He said, and I quote, ‘why don’t any of you love me,’ and, again, quote ‘I was stupid enough to hope’ that we loved him.” 

“I was just upset that all of you were getting to kiss each other...and that I’d never kissed  _ anyone. _ I just thought maybe I was gross or something.” He knew he sounded petulant but he couldn’t help it. 

“You’re not gross,” Eddie and Bill chorused. Well, Eddie more like  _ snapped.  _ Bill hugged Richie as best he could while laying down. 

Stan snorted and tugged Richie so he could look at him. “Don’t be stupid, honey. Did you get some kisses, then?” He smirked at Bill. “Do you want another?”

Bill froze. What was  _ that _ look all about? He gave Stan a panicked look as he shrunk deeper into the bed. What if Richie reacted badly? What if  _ Eddie  _ did? 

Stan winked when Richie blushed at his question. “That’s yes, then, Rich?” He ducked down and kissed his cheek, obnoxiously, before giving him a gentle kiss on the lips. “You aren’t  _ gross,  _ you’re my best friend. Don’t fucking think like that,” he snarked, snuggling back into Richie’s chest.

Richie was going to  _ die.  _ Stan, _Staniel_ , had just  _ kissed him.  _ “Yeah?” He questioned, feeling stupid. He glanced at Eddie and blushed harder. 

Stan chuckled and squeezed him. “Yeah. Besides, you  _ aren’t that stupid,  _ even though sometimes I do wonder.” He cackled at Richie’s annoyed look and hesitantly kissed it away. “See? We all love you. I mean it.” 

Richie rolled his eyes, too excited and shocked to answer.

“I mean it! Go ask Ben to kiss you, Bev will nod at him and he’ll do it cause  _ we love you. _ ” He added, “idiot,” under his breath. 

Eddie nodded in mock solemnity. “He absolutely would. He’d kiss  _ you _ too, Stan.” 

Stan glared over Richie’s shoulder at Eddie, eyes unimpressed. “Ed, I scare him. I’m a boring mathematician with a resting bitch face. Mike might kiss me though, he’s sweet and could kick my ass.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, Mike would kiss you. But Ben would, too. You should see the way he looks at you. But, I don’t know if he even realizes yet that he could be just a little bit gay.” Eddie felt Bill shift, and he continued. “Honestly, I don’t think he knew  _ you _ were until today.”

Stan sighed, leaning against Richie further until he was basically squishing him. “I’m literally pan I just...didn’t think to announce it?” He blushed, pulling at a string on Richie’s shirt. “I did really like Blaine Gerrias from Gym last year, though. Did you all not notice?”

Richie gaped at him and shoved him. “Fucking hell,  _ Blaine? _ Mr. I’m so smart and witty? That  _ dick? _ ”

Stan shrugged, embarrassed. “I mean, he thought I was smart and he talked to me. I stopped talking to him when he was mean to Mike, though.” He frowned and tugged Richie closer. 

"We noticed," Bill insisted. "But you were good about not saying anything about it when Ben was around. Plus...it’s not our place to tell anyone and he didn't ask. He asked me once about Beverly, but not anyone else." He gave Stan a soft look. "I was proud of you, you know. When that happened."

Eddie nodded. "The broken nose you gave him was pretty badass."

Stan shrugged, like it was nothing. “You don’t say shit like that, not about Mike.” 

“Exactly,” Bill agreed, yawning quietly. “I think Mike realized he was in love with you that day. He still worships the ground you walk on. You and Bev both.”

Stan grew quiet, unsure what to say. He’d just done  _ the right thing.  _ What any of them would have done. There wasn’t anything to look up to, for Stan. Stan just worked hard and teased everyone. 

When Stan grew quiet, Eddie tugged Bill closer and buried his face in his hair and changed the subject. “Well, Stan, you saved the day again. Thank you both for helping. I was starting to wonder if I needed to grab backup to convince our comedian what I said was true.”

“It is true, we all love you, so much.” Bill promised, pressing a small kiss to Richie’s shoulder like he’d done with the back of his neck earlier. “All you have to do is ask us for affection, but...we’ll try to get better at seeing when you need it.” 

Richie ducked his head to look Bill in the eye. “I promise I’ll try and ask for what I need, okay?” 

“You  _ better _ ,” Bill grumbled.

Richie gave Bill a cheesy grin, eyes bright. “Do I get a Bill kiss? Or are those just for Stan?”

Bill’s tummy flipped, only now it was excitement.  _ Richie  _ wanted to kiss  _ him? Bill?  _ He’d turned him down once out of fear, but he was  _ not _ about to do that again. He glanced at Stan to double check that this was okay, and at the urging look his boyfriend gave him, he nodded. “You can have kisses,” he said quietly, moving forward and pressing his lips to Richie’s softly. 

Richie tried to keep his reaction as similar to Stan’s as possible, because he almost  _ moaned  _ when Bill kissed him. He kissed him back, keeping it sweet. He caught Eddie’s needy look at their lips touching and frowned. “Should we all kiss? That seems fair?” He sounded ridiculous, which was only cemented as true when Stan snorted behind him. “What? Maybe you wanna kiss Eddie, dummy!”

Stan grinned and bumped their noses together. “Maybe I do. I know Bill got a lot from me today, that doesn’t seem fair.”

Eddie smirked. “I think all of us kissing is fair. Maybe I should get a kiss from Bill and then you two can trade places, Stan?”

Bill was almost sure he was dreaming, because  _ what the fuck was happening?  _ He glanced at Eddie for only a moment before moving in and kissing him, hand going up to Eddie’s cheek like they’d done when they were young. Eddie’s lips were familiar, they felt like home. Just like Stan and Richie’s had.

Eddie let out a surprised gasp at just how eager Bill was and relaxed into their kiss. Bill and he had both gotten much better at this since their  _ practice _ , and he tried to remain unaffected but couldn’t. Bill was one of the loves of his life, plain and simple. 

Bill pulled away, still staring at Eddie’s now wet and slightly swollen lips from where he’d nipped just a little more than he thought he would.

When they pulled apart and he looked into Bill’s swirling blue eyes, he knew he wanted to look at them forever, too. Just like he wanted to wake up to Richie’s every day. “Billy,” he breathed. “This is real. I don’t think we could make this up? Even if we wanted to. Bill is just too good at this.”

“ _ Hey _ .” Bill blushed, gently shoving Eddie. “You...obviously haven’t had a Stan or Richie kiss yet.”

Stan flushed red and tickled at Bill’s hip, making him squeak. “You’re just being sweet, Billy.” 

Richie shook his head, touching Stan’s nose with his finger. “I don’t know, Stan, I liked your kiss.”

He turned even redder. “Yeah?”

Richie blushed too, tugging at Bill. “Yeah, I like kissing you guys.”

Stan looked at Eddie, suddenly more shy than before because he’d never kissed Eddie. He’d kissed Richie once or twice, and now Bill a lot. Once Bev even kissed him to help him calm down. But he’d never kissed Ed, even if he’d wanted to. 

“Come here, Stan,” Eddie insisted gently. He could see the fear in Stan’s eyes, and wanted to kiss it away like he had with Richie just a while ago. “Trade spots with Bill. I wanna try.”

Stan locked eyes with Richie, who only smiled back at him. He helped Bill crawl over Richie, and he took Bill’s spot with an ‘oof’ as he settled near Eddie. “Hey, Ed.” He blushed a little at the look on Eddie’s face. “You wanna kiss me?”

“I do.” Eddie had wanted to for a long time, actually. He and Stan were similar in ways that made Eddie feel comfortable with him, and he was one of his best friends. Of course he wanted to kiss Stan. “I mean, um. If you want to kiss me, too.”

Stan moved until he was partially covering Eddie, a serious look in his eyes. “Of course I want to kiss you, Eddie.” He didn’t wait, he just leaned down and kissed him, lightly at first before actually kissing him. 

Eddie let out a tiny whine. He had been able to steel himself with Bill because they’d done this before, but kissing Stan was new and  _ exciting  _ territory. He sat up just a little, leaning on one elbow as he used his other hand to cup Stan’s cheek, slotting his lips perfectly against Stan’s and moving with him. This was a strange wake up call, but he wasn’t sure exactly what to call...whatever this was. “Stan,” he whimpered as the other pulled away. “Again?”

Stan glanced back at Richie, who gave him a thumbs up. He gazed back at Eddie and smiled, a tiny kind thing that was just for Eddie. “Richie says I can.” Before Eddie could argue that he could make his own choices or whatever, Stan kissed him again, longer than before, running his hands through Eddie’s hair. He wasn’t sure what was happening, but he was pretty sure they could all write it off as just what their friend group  _ did  _ sometimes. 

Eddie fell back, letting Stan take the lead. He licked into Stan’s mouth, insistent and needy now. When would he get this chance again? It was like there was some mist hovering in the air today, on the day things were sliding into place for Ben and Bev, Stan and Bill...him and Richie. Except, the puzzle wasn’t done. And the weird mist wasn’t going to go away until they figured it out.

Richie watched them, liking it more than he figured was normal. “They’re cute,” he whispered to Bill, hugging him. “Like you.”

Bill blushed and nodded. “ _ They’re _ very cute.” He relaxed in Richie’s hold, but his heart was still beating a million miles an hour and he hoped no one could  _ hear it,  _ because it was so loud in his own ears. “You’re all cute.”

“Don’t say it like you’re not, honey.” He turned Bill until he could look at him. “We are all cute, okay?” 

Bill blushed even harder and wiggled in Richie’s hold, nodding in agreement. He could concede this one time that  _ maybe  _ he was cute.

Richie leaned down and kissed Bill’s cheek. “You don’t mind all the kissing?” He glanced over at Eddie and Stan. “They don’t seem to mind.”

“Don’t mind,” he answered, preening at the kiss. “I know...I know Stan loves me, still.”

“He does,” Richie promised, nuzzling against Bill. “Did you like our kisses, Billy?” He cuddled Bill close to him because he’d  _ missed him.  _ “Still gonna let me cuddle you now that you get to be with Stan?”

“Uh huh,” Bill admitted, looking up at Richie as he snuggled closer. “I...I want to kiss you again,” he pleaded. “I’m always gonna let you cuddle me, Rich. Stan even...Stan thought maybe I could sit in your lap at breakfast.”

Richie brightened, sitting up a little and pulling Bill with him. “Yeah? Stan’s such a good guy, trying to cheer us up.” He tipped Bill’s chin up and kissed him easily. He was going to take what he could get, because he  _ needed  _ Bill. So badly.

Bill smiled and nodded. Stan was better than anyone, including himself, gave him credit for. “He really is,” he said with a smile before being silenced by Richie’s kiss. He moved closer, deepening the kiss and nibbling on Richie’s bottom lip. “Do you feel loved, now?”

“Yeah,” Richie whispered, voice wobbly. “Do  _ you?” _

“Yes,” he answered, before leaning forward and kissing Richie again. “You don’t have to...this isn’t...you don’t have to feel obligated to...I don’t know. If you want...if you want a kiss or something, anytime, you can let me know. But I know you and Eds are kind of a thing, so. I know he’s your priority now.”

Richie stared at him, trying to dissect what that was about. “Bill...I don’t feel  _ obligated  _ to show you affection. I just love you. It doesn’t matter that Eddie and I are gonna date, okay? This is okay with me, because I love you, Billy.” He kissed his nose before saying, “you are a priority, too. Don’t you know that?” before kissing him again.

Bill let himself be kissed, his whole body tingling at that. Richie...Richie really  _ loved  _ him? He was a  _ priority?  _ But...that was probably the same way he felt about the other Losers. He’d drop everything to help any one of them, and he did love them all like family. Eddie, and apparently Stan, more than that. What  _ was this?  _ It was confusing and a little scary, feeling everything he felt right now so forcefully. He let his hand play with the Star Wars blanket underneath them, unable to look Richie in the eyes. “I love you,” he whispered.  _ But not in the way you think. _

Richie noticed Bill’s hesitance, how he was becoming anxious. “ _ Billy _ , baby, breathe. We can stop.” He shuffled around so he had an entire Bill in his lap. “I love you  _ so much,  _ I could never tell you how much if I had the rest of eternity.”

_ Baby? _ The word made him feel funny in a very good way, like it had with Stan. He snuggled close and let his head rest on Richie’s shoulder, trying to do as he said by matching his breathing to Richie’s. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m okay. I don’t know what that was.” He finally calmed down a bit, slowly starting to come back from whatever edge he had nearly thrown himself off of moments before. “I love you too, Rich. So much.”  _ You have no idea. _

Meanwhile, Stan nipped at Eddie’s lip, licking his way inside Eddie’s mouth. “This okay, love?”

Eddie hummed against Stan’s lips in response, opening his mouth wider to let Stan know this was  _ beyond okay _ . He moved his hands to Stan’s hair, letting his fingers tangle in his curls.

Stan whined, liking the feeling of someone touching his hair. He licked inside Eddie’s mouth and straddled him, staring at him with big eyes. “You kiss really well, Eds.”

“So do you,” he countered, face soft as he watched Stan, the way his curls now fell in his face. It was getting time for a haircut, he supposed. Stan usually never let it get this long anymore. He reached up and brushed the curls back, wanting to be able to just focus on Stan’s beautiful eyes. “I get why Bill couldn’t stop kissing you.”

Stan whined, trying not to feel embarrassed. He let Eddie touch him, look at him. He took his time tracing his face with the tip of his finger. “Can’t kiss you too much, I’ll get carried away.” He tried to say it in a teasing way, but it came out more truthful than he’d anticipated. 

Eddie faltered. Stan had a point. It was bad enough to be gay in Derry. This...whatever this was...could be much, much worse. How would they even tell the others that this had happened between them? Could they?  _ Should _ they? Would it ever happen again? “Maybe we should call it a night,” he finally said, trying to be gentle.

Stan tried to hide the hurt that flashed across his face and gave Eddie a smile. “Sure, Eds, whatever you need.” He looked at Bill and saw that Bill was still trying to breathe and frowned. Maybe Stan had really fucked up, bringing them up here. He rubbed the back of his neck, a tick he’d taken on from Richie, and moved to go turn off the lights for them, so they could move around and decide where to put him. 

“Stan,” Eddie was immediately on his feet and at his friend’s side. “Wait, no. I know you too well for you to pull that shit.” He tugged Stan back to the bed, struggling while Stan finally hit the light. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, honey. I just know we have all had a very long and emotionally exhausting day. You can kiss me all you want, but I think we should all try to sleep now.” He moved so that he was against the wall, and pulled Stan against his chest. “You’re gonna be in the middle, okay? Let us love on you.”

Bill tried to move from Richie’s lap, but Richie was already moving them both to lay down. Bill snuggled up close to Stan and kissed his nose. “We’re okay, Stan. I promise. It’s gonna be okay, like you said.”

Stan nodded, melting into Eddie’s hold and kissing Bill’s hand as he held it.

Richie whispered, “I’ll prove it, tomorrow. Okay? Kissing people you love is  _ good. _ I don’t care what it  _ means  _ or doesn’t mean.”

Bill nodded, determined to try to learn to accept that. He liked whatever it was that had just happened with Richie and Eddie, and he felt less like he had a hole in his heart. "Okay, sweetie. I trust you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a kudos and a comment! You can find us on tumblr at lethimrunsonia and ktichen-witch-bitch. 
> 
> We have a blog! Please follow polyamorylosersau on tumblr.


	5. Mike, and Bev, and Ben

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, everyone calls Eddie Eds or Ed cause AFFECTION, dammit
> 
> Also, Billy calls Richie ' 'Chee' sometimes when he's sad because he couldn't say the 'RE' sound when he was young and you can pry that from my cold, dead hands (angelsfalling).

Mike rubbed his eyes, the annoying dryness finally getting to him. He sat crumpled up in a heap on one of the Tozier’s kitchen chairs, sipping on water from one of Richie’s stupid ‘World’s Best Padre’ cups he’d given his dad. He heard, “Fuck, Eds,” and  _ that  _ was  _ definitely  _ Stan, and Bill whined right after, low and needy, so he assumed Richie was the cause since apparently Stan was  _ busy.  _

He wasn’t jealous; he was ecstatic his friends were falling in love and finding happiness.  _ Truly _ .

Okay, perhaps, he was  _ also _ extremely jealous. 

And it wasn’t just watching Ben kiss Bev that stabbed his heart, but it  _ did  _ hurt to watch. It was seeing Eddie look at Richie, or hell,  _ Bill _ look at Richie. It was watching Stan make Bill melt in his lap. 

He needed to  _ date  _ someone. Anyone. He didn’t really care who, as long as they were nice and got along with his friends. And if he could pick, he’d pick a girl...because, well, that was just easier, wasn’t it?

Though, all his friends were at least a little gay, as far as he could tell. More than he’d  _ thought.  _ Gay-ish. Queer? Was that okay to say? He’d heard Richie’s cousins say that in a non-shitty way, and they were from Portland. He figured he liked girls. And he liked boys. He’d also read about other genders, too, and though he wasn’t aware of anyone who was another gender, he figured he’d like them just the same. People were people, after all. He wanted to reach out and talk to someone about it, and now that he knew Stan was attracted to boys, too...well, maybe he could talk to Stan. 

He heard Richie laugh upstairs. He  _ guessed  _ he could talk to Richie, but he wasn’t sure if Richie would be able to take him seriously. Richie had dropped his comedian only hat and had allowed his emotions to be on the table a lot more often now that they were older, but Mike was scared. He didn’t wanna put the pressure of his existential crisis on Eddie, or Bill, who he both knew struggled with liking boys, too. 

He’d talk to Ben, but he wasn’t sure that Ben was  _ gay.  _ And he wasn’t sure Bev was either. Maybe they were bisexual? That was a term he’d heard before. 

Seeing Stan kiss Bill so freely had also made him proud, when he really thought about it. Not only did it show that Stan and Bill trusted them, that they felt safe, but it showed him that maybe, in the future, they could all be happy. They could be themselves and free and  _ out of Derry.  _

A sound behind him made him jerk out of his thoughts, almost kicking over the chair he had taken refuge on. 

Beverly jumped back, almost running to the door in a panic. The sound of the chair scooting back and then almost falling over like that reminded her way too much of certain incidents with her father, and she reacted before she could think. 

This was Mike, though. Mike was  _ safe _ . Gentle, even. But it seemed as though she had also scared  _ him _ . She moved closer, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing as his breathing returned to normal. She tried to calm her breathing as well. "Sorry, Mikey. I didn’t mean to scare you." 

Mike felt all the tension bleed out of his shoulders at Bev’s touch. Was she magic? He smiled at her. Yeah, she probably was. “I didn’t mean to scare  _ you,  _ Bevvie, I’m sorry.” He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly.

“It’s okay. I’ve gotta work on not jumping at every loud noise.” She shook her head and glanced up when she heard another moan; she had woken up due to the ongoing noises upstairs, and had quickly sent Ben to the downstairs spare room when she saw Mike brooding. Ben had obviously listened to her, since she didn’t see him. She'd go and cuddle with him in a minute, but she wanted to make sure Mike was okay. 

Maybe even invite him downstairs with them. 

Mike stood there, her head to his chest, for a few moments, before they heard a sound that was totally Stan and, and then heard Richie respond with a moan. He sighed and dropped his head to Bev’s shoulder. “I don’t know how they don’t know they are being loud? Maybe it’s cause I’m directly underneath them.”

"No, no. They’re being loud. It's a good thing Mr. and Mrs. Tozier ended up leaving for the weekend." Beverly kept hugging him, biting her lip. "Is that what had you brooding?"

Mike hid himself, moving closer to her so she couldn’t see his face. “Yeah. I’m devastated that they are making out in my hearing range and I gotta hear Richie’s bad sex jokes.” He played it light, but he knew he’d probably botched it by his body language. Fuck, he hated feeling lonely. It reminded him of before, when he didn’t really have friends. When he was alone. 

Beverly could hear in his voice that he was lying, and frowned. "Well, I can solve that problem. You can come snuggle with Ben and me downstairs. That's the room with the king size bed, so we'll each have plenty of space." She gave him a tight squeeze, loving the feel of the muscles in his back moving under her arms. "But I can only help you with things if you  _ tell me _ about them." Her voice had taken on a new edge, one that she hoped Mike would hear and understand. She wanted him to talk to her. Needed him to.

He sighed, moving his head and indulgently letting himself feel Bev’s hair against his face. Her hair was fluffy, and shone in the dull kitchen light like a little flame. He wanted to press his face into it. He didn’t. 

Mike didn’t answer her for a minute, knowing she was right but not knowing what to say. “You know they are all kissing up there, right?” He didn’t say it with any judgement, because he didn’t see it as wrong. He just wished he was  _ there.  _

"Mhm." She let him nuzzle her, basking in his warmth as he spoke. She heard the longing in his tone and was a little surprised. "They need to come to us and tell us, though. They don't have to know that we know." 

“Yeah, but you know Bill. They may be too afraid.”

She fidgeted for a moment, nodding. "We’ll figure it out. What's bothering you, Mike?"

He shrugged, because he didn’t really know what to say. “Just...guess I’m gonna be a seventh wheel. Gonna get a little lonely.” He held her closer, like she could protect him from it. “It’s not like I’m not happy for you all. I am. I really am.”

"You don't have to be lonely, honey." She kept her cheek against his heart, reminding herself that this was real. She was being held by Mike. He was talking to her about what was bothering him, and that was  _ big. _ "We know you're happy for us. But just because we've kind of coupled up, doesn't mean we're going to show you any less affection. You're too important." She knew he felt like an outsider, and it broke her heart. "Please come cuddle with Ben and me. We'd be happy to have you down there with us."

Mike’s feet shuffled, not wanting to intrude. “I...don’t want you guys to have to not kiss, or something. I know it’s new and exciting for you. And everyone else is literally doing it.” He grinned a bit at his own joke. 

"Michael," she insisted. "Come on. Ben and I both love you very much and would like it if you came and cuddled with us."

"She's right, you know." Bleary eyed and with a slightly grumpy look on his face, Ben stood at the top of the stairs that led to the basement and leaned on the railing. At Bev’s glare (he was supposed to be in bed, dammit), he put his hands up. "The bed was getting  _ lonely _ ."

Mike chuckled at how sleepy Ben was, squeezing Bev before partially dragging her over to the stairs. “Well then, I guess I better come bring your girl and we can keep you company.”

Ben smiled at them both before turning and heading down the stairs. "Do I want to know what's happening upstairs?"

Bev shook her head. "Not our business."

Mike bumped her shoulder with his own, keeping her close to the railing so she wouldn’t fall. “It’s kinda our business since they are, you know, doing it in the same house as us and we love them.” He threw his shirt off when they hit the bottom of the stairs and hopped into bed, almost launching Ben in the air and fervently apologizing afterwards.

Beverly smirked at her boys as Ben laughed, truly carefree for the first time in months. She wasn’t sure she wanted morning to come--she didn’t want there to be any kind of awkward conversations, people avoiding each other...Mike having that very  _ sad  _ look in his eyes. 

_ Losers stick together, though _ , she thought to herself as she ran to the bed, jumping in and making both of her boys bounce. She snuggled close to Ben, who easily wrapped his arms around her, and gave Mike an encouraging look to get closer himself.

Everything was going to be okay.  _ Mike  _ was going to be okay. She would make sure of it.

////

Ben was, as per usual, the first one awake.

He felt like he hadn’t gotten  _ any _ sleep. His dreams were filled with horrors such as a certain homicidal clown singing about how  _ nasty  _ he was, how fat and ugly he was. He’d felt the familiar sensation of bile in his throat as IT continued to taunt him, tell him Beverly was pity dating him, Stan was disgusted with him, Mike wanted  _ rid  _ of him. 

So, he’d given up trying to get any good sleep at 6:30 A.M. He stayed nestled between Mike and Bev for a while, Bev curled up against his chest and Mike’s very broad back against his own. He let his fingers trail down Bev’s side as she slept, buried his face in her hair and breathed. She was  _ his.  _ Well, more accurately,  _ he  _ was  _ hers.  _ And he was allowed to touch her. So, he did; he let his hand roam up and down her side, over her tummy, before finally letting it rest on her hip. 

“I love you,” he whispered in her ear, kissing her temple as he finally moved to get up. He quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face; his eyes stung, just as they always did in autumn. He maybe should have stopped at his house for his allergy meds, but he could worry about that later. By the time he made it up the stairs it was 7:30, and even though he was craving orange juice, he poured himself a glass of milk instead to try to ease the bile that was just sitting in his chest. 

Meanwhile, Richie woke up, groggy and confused. There were a lot of people in his bed, and he almost jerked in surprise before it all flooded back to him. Bill was tucked up against Richie’s chest, drool stuck on the pillow underneath them both. Stan was snoring gently, holding Bill’s hands in his own, and Eddie was nuzzled into the back of Stan’s neck. Everyone was asleep but Richie, and he wasn’t sure why that was because Richie liked to sleep until noon most days. 

Richie yawned, watching the boys he loved so much breathe in their sleep. He  _ adored  _ them, and he was nervous, but if Richie had learned anything about himself as he’d grown, it was that he was braver than he knew. He would get them all out of here so they could be happy, he’d swear his life to that cause. 

Bill whined in his sleep and Richie kissed his cheek and nuzzled into his neck. He didn’t want to leave Bill’s warmth or stop looking at Stan’s face, but he was so thirsty. After a few moments he carefully rolled out of bed and padded down his stairs, coming to a stop when he found Ben glaring at the kitchen sink. “Hey, Haystack. You good?”

Ben jumped, not having expected Richie of all people to be awake right now. “Oh, yeah, I’m good.” He was  _ not  _ good; milk had been a bad idea, and he couldn’t keep that down. He had just finished washing out the sink and washing his glass, not able to stand the taste of anything that wasn’t water at that moment. “Just, uh. Had some rough dreams.” He got some water from the tap and leaned against the sink, toying with the glass before taking a hesitant sip. 

Richie frowned, getting himself a water and bumping Ben’s hip with his own. “Hate those dreams,” he offered, downing the entire glass in one go. 

“Me too. What are you doing up, bud?”

Richie hummed, not sure. “Guess I’m just thinking a lot. Everybody else is out like a light.”

Ben didn’t look up from his glass. He was thinking about some things, too. “Nickel for your thoughts?”

Richie put his glass down into the sink, glancing at Ben, trying to read him. “Big day yesterday, for you.” He paused. “Me too.”

“Big day for all of us, it seems.” He glanced up at Richie now. “Did you and Eddie talk?”

Richie chewed his lip, and tapped the counter they were leaning on. “Look, everybody hasn’t talked it out yet...so if Bill or Stan plays it weird, can you not say anything?”

He flinched at Stan’s name. What Richie had said to him yesterday came back full force, and he tried to push it to the back of his mind. Stan wanted someone like Bill. Not him. And why should that matter? He wasn’t gay, right? He realized he’d been quiet a beat too long when Richie shifted on his feet, and he quickly spoke. “Of course. I know how Bill can be. I don’t want to hurt him in any way. Stan, too.”

Richie scuffed his bare feet on the old yellow tiles of his childhood kitchen and fought down a blush. “Eds and I kissed last night, I think we’re together. We talked about all of us escaping from here, being happy together...and then Bill and Stan came up, cause Bill was sweet and thought I was mad at him.” Richie glanced up the stairs at his bedroom door and smiled. “We all? Kind of kissed? I think it was sort of a friend thing. A Losers thing? I don’t know.” He shuffled his feet and finally looked up at Ben. “I...love them. A lot. I don’t really care if it’s not okay.”

“Congrats, man.” He said with a smile. He nodded along as Richie spoke, trying to appear unaffected.  _ Oh.  _ That’s why Bev hadn’t been forthcoming. He didn’t find it wrong, and he figured she didn’t, either. He was weirdly...jealous? Jealous that he’d missed out on that affection. “That sounds sweet. If everyone was comfortable with it, why would that be wrong?” He took another hesitant sip of water. “We’re all pretty affectionate, and that doesn’t bother me a bit. I just want you guys to be happy, Rich.”

Richie let a smile crack through his worry and swung an arm around Ben’s shoulders. “Thanks, Ben. I just want that for you, too.” He kissed Ben’s cheek to make his point. 

Ben couldn’t help the blush that crept up at that. Richie was probably the most affectionate of all of them, and he always managed to make you feel like you were the only person in the world when his attention was completely on you. “Yeah, of course. Thanks, Rich.”

Richie kept Ben close and pushed him towards the couch and sat them down with a flop. He cuddled Ben to him, feeling protective. “You happy, too?” Richie grinned at him. “I mean, you have Bev, of course you are happy. I mean...about what I said before.”

“Happy about...you and Bill and Stan and Eddie?”

Richie shook his head. “No, about you and Stan.”

“I was meaning to ask you about that,” he said quietly. “I don’t, I’m not...I’m surprised Stan is even friends with me, much less anything else. There’s nothing there, man.” He curled a little closer to Richie, surprised at how much he wanted his comfort that he was so willing to give.

Richie made an angry noise and pulled at Ben until he was in Richie’s lap. “Benjamin, only I get to make the self-deprecating jokes in this family.” He tried to get Ben to look at him. “Stan loves you, don’t say shit like that.”

Ben let out a squeak as he was pulled into Richie’s lap, and immediately tried to wiggle out of it. He was too  _ heavy  _ for that, no matter how comfortable Richie’s lap might be. 

Richie pet his hand down Ben’s back, trying to calm him down. “Ben, damn it, let me hold you for a second.”

Ben immediately stopped moving, breath hitching. Richie sounded serious. He meant what he was saying. “O-okay.” He melted into Richie’s chest as the other rubbed his back. Anyone being gentle with his back was his Kryptonite, and apparently the Losers noticed that. “I know Stan loves me, it’s just...he wouldn’t be interested in what he has with Bill, with me.” He was horrified at the words coming out of his mouth, because that meant there was something else about himself he wasn’t ready to admit just yet. “It’s a different kind of love, and...I’m okay with that.”

“I don’t know about that, Benny. You don’t see how he looks at you. Just cause he looks at Bill like that too doesn’t make that not real.” He rubbed a hand down Ben’s side and held him to him. “Look, I wanna show you something. Will you let me?”

Ben was quiet for a long moment before nodding. “Yeah.” He was still trying to process what had just been said.  _ Stan _ looked at  _ Ben _ the same way Stan looked at  _ Bill _ ? 

Richie looked around, saw they were still alone, so he wouldn’t embarrass Ben. He dipped Ben’s head up and softly placed a kiss on his lips before pulling away, giving Ben a big smile as he moved back. 

Ben froze, eyes wide.  _ Fuck.  _ Kissing a guy wasn’t so unlike kissing a girl, and he found that he very much liked kissing Richie. His blush was back full force and he ducked his head, nervous. “ _ Oh.”  _ He was, at the very least, bisexual. He almost leaned forward and kissed Richie again, but stopped midway.  _ Beverly. _ What if this was too far? What if it hurt her feelings?

“What’s this?” Ben heard from behind him, and he and Richie both snapped their heads to look at Beverly. She gave them a grin, almost bouncing over as she kissed Ben’s cheek. “Do I get Ben and Richie kisses, too?”

“Yes,” Ben said immediately, smiling at her as his anxiety dwindled. Bev had convinced him there was nothing to worry about, by just inserting herself into their moment. He grabbed her face and kissed her gently for a moment, before pulling back, not having moved from Richie’s lap. 

Richie’s smile was shy. He pulled Bev closer and touched their lips together, trying not to grab her like he wanted. He did deepen it for a moment, before pulling away. “Ben’s a sweet kisser,” he offered, glancing back at him. “Do you want another? Do you see what I was saying?”

Richie’s kiss had made Beverly a little weak in the knees, the same way it had when Ben kissed her for the first time. It helped that she and Richie were so close, and she knew how much he loved her and she loved him. She glanced at Ben too, head cocked. “He is, he’s so gentle. What were you saying, Rich?”

Ben blushed at the compliments, ducking his head and nodding at Richie’s questions. “Yes, please, another.” He looked between Richie and Bev before settling on Richie, eyes begging. “We were, uh. Talking about...not being self-deprecating anymore.”

Richie touched Ben’s face and held out his hand for Bev to settle in with them. “Ben had a lot of nightmares last night, and he was saying some mean things about himself. I’m trying to show him they aren’t true. We love him.” He pressed forward again, catching Ben’s mouth with his own.

Ben hummed against Richie’s lips, pulling away after a few moments with a very soft “ _ love you _ .”

“Oh, of course we do!” Beverly leaned forward and kissed Ben as well. “You’re a part of us, baby. We love you. And you can always go to any of the guys for affection if you need it from them, okay? I won’t be mad.” She snuggled close to Richie and pet Ben’s leg. “Are you comfortable? Richie’s lap has to be one of my favorite spots.”

Ben smiled at her and nodded, reaching out and holding her hand. “One of them?”

“The other is your lap,” she insisted. “Really, I just like being in any of your all’s laps.” 

Richie pretended to gag at how cute they were, and pressed his head against Bev’s. “Laps are nice,” he conceded, kissing her forehead.

They all glanced as Mike walked up the stairs, yawning and watching them with an easy smile. “Hey, Losers. I see it’s all about Richie today.”

Richie shook his head and pulled Ben closer. “It’s just about  _ us,  _ come sit with us.”

It was obvious Mike was nervous, but he walked to them and sat close to Bev. “What are we doing?”

Richie winked at him, trying to make him feel comfortable. “Kissing. You want one?” He said it like it was easy, like it was important but not scary.

Mike blushed and ducked his head. “I don’t wanna upset anyone.”

Richie reached out and took Mike’s hand. “How is showing we love each other upsetting?”

“Someone thinks he’s intruding,” Beverly whispered, reaching out and pinching Mike’s cheek. “See? You don’t have to be lonely.”

Ben frowned. He didn’t want to move from Richie’s lap now, but after sharing a look with him and getting a nod in response, he hopped off. He walked over to where Mike was sitting and tugged him up and into a hug, kissing his cheek before gently pushing him towards Richie. “Your turn,” he insisted, before taking Mike’s spot next to Beverly and wrapping an arm around her.

Mike knelt in front of Richie, who pulled him up against his chest. Mike blushed, but laughed when Richie teased him by poking his side. “You want to kiss me, Rich?”

Richie nodded, breath catching. “Yeah, Mikey, always.”

Mike’s eyes fluttered shut and kissed Richie, very gentle. Richie whined and kissed him back, sweetly moving his lips against Mike’s. 

Mike pulled away, but kept his head on Richie’s torso. He glanced at Ben and Bev, suddenly shy again.

Beverly smiled and reached out a hand to play with Mike’s soft hair. “I’m proud of you,” she said softly.

“Cuddle pile?” Bill said as he appeared, and he was currently wiping something off his face that the others couldn’t quite make out. “Everybody’s up so  _ early. _ ” He walked over and plopped onto the floor next to where Mike was settled, his head leaning back into Beverly’s lap with his eyes closed. 

“We’re all a bunch of cuddle thieves,” Beverly said with a grin, leaning down and kissing his forehead. “You want up here? I don’t know why you and Mike are sitting on the floor.”

“The couch feels funny.” He insisted. “I like the fabric ones.” The Toziers had a faux leather couch, which was nice, but Bill nearly came out of his skin whenever he touched it. It was an idiosyncrasy that he hadn’t really mentioned to the others before, because he could normally get away with sitting on the floor or Richie’s lap without too many questions.

“We can put a blanket over that spot,” Ben offered. “Beverly can sit in my lap and you can be in the middle of all of us.”

“No.” They had tried that when he was young. He would sink into it and the blanket would move so that his head touched the fabric and he would inevitably start to cry. Maggie Tozier, really, had been a saint about the whole thing and quietly tried to give him different options without embarrassing him. Richie, who had been afraid his new friend would leave, merely pulled Bill into his lap, and that was the end of the discussion. “I’m okay, Ben. Really.”

Richie gave Bill a nervous look, unsure how he was supposed to treat the night before. Mike felt Richie tense and hugged him tightly, pressing his face into Richie’s shoulder. “Richie was showing us that he loves us.” Richie pinched his arm in retaliation for outing him but Mike only hid his smug grin against Richie’s shirt.

Bill stiffened. 

Oh. 

Richie loved them all, apparently, which was wonderful. But...he didn’t love them all romantically, like Richie did with Eddie. Bill had the fleeting thought the night before that maybe, just maybe, Richie loved him like that, too. But that wasn’t...that wasn’t a thing they could do, was it? He felt like such a freak, wanting Richie and Eddie and Mike and Ben and Beverly that way when he already had Stan. The others were just affectionate. That's why Richie and Eddie had kissed him and Stan last night. Why Richie had probably been up kissing the others, too.

“He’s sweet like that,” Bill finally said, sitting up a little and rubbing his arm where he had slept on it wrong. “He’s good at making sure no one feels lonely.”

Richie frowned, and Mike  _ knew.  _ “Yeah, but I think we are all very special to Richie in different ways. Aren’t we, Richie?” But Richie had decided that maybe this was all a very stupid idea on his part and was ducking his head into Bev’s shoulder and neck. Fuck, how come every time Richie tried to make Bill feel better, he somehow fucked it up? 

Beverly kissed Richie’s head and gently nudged Bill with her foot. “Bill, sweetheart. Get up here. I know you want to be close to Richie, so you’re gonna sit in  _ my _ lap, okay? I promise you won’t touch the couch.” Ben was already grabbing a blanket as they spoke, and Beverly leaned forward a little with Richie so Ben could put it behind them and they moved quickly back into place. 

Bill, frowning at how quiet Richie had gone, scrambled up into Beverly’s lap and gently poked Richie’s side. He messed up  _ again.  _ “‘Chee,” he said quietly. “Hey. You’re very sweet, please don’t be upset. I didn’t mean anything bad by that, I swear.”

Richie peeked out of Bev’s shoulder and toyed with the hem of his shirt. “Just cause I kissed them doesn’t mean...that kissing you wasn’t  _ special _ , I’m not…” his lip wobbled. “This is a lot all of a sudden?” He wasn’t used to letting his feelings out, and he didn’t know what to do when he got overwhelmed. Richie pressed further into Bev like she could save him. Mike cooed at him, and scooted into the corner of the couch so he could wrap around him. 

“Rich, you’re okay. This has been such a big morning, and yesterday was so hard. You don’t have to hide that.” He kissed Richie’s temple and shared a glance with Bev. She looked so protective of Richie, and his heart warmed when she winked at him, obviously seeing that protective feeling on Mike’s own face. 

Bill couldn’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed that Richie had just told everyone what they’d done, he just felt ashamed that he’d put Richie in that place  _ again _ . He  _ kept _ upsetting him. “‘Chee, hey, I know that it was special. I promise. I  _ like _ kissing you.” He was sure he was going to be sick. Beverly and Mike were trying to protect Richie  _ from Bill.  _ “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry again.” He hesitantly reached out, grabbing Richie’s hand and squeezing it to let him know that this was  _ okay _ . “Should I...Should I go get Eddie?”

Richie let a tear fall and shook his head. “He was so tired. And so were you, did you sleep enough?” He scrunched up his face, trying to make his thoughts work correctly. “Oh.  _ Oh.  _ I didn’t take my new meds, of course I’m sensitive.” He pulled Bill to him by the hand and kissed him, deciding he didn’t care in that moment if the other saw that maybe it was a little different with Bill. “You didn’t do anything, Billy, I’m okay. It’s all just a lot and I thought I had made you feel like you weren’t important and that really got to me…” he murmured as he pulled away. 

_ No _ , Bill hadn’t slept enough, but he certainly wasn’t going to go back to sleep  _ now _ . He would just nap later or go to bed early that night. He let Richie pull him close and he kissed back fervently, extremely worried. “If you’re su-su-sure that’s all it is,” he said quietly, blush rising as his tummy flipped. He was more important to Richie than he thought. “Do you need more sleep, 'Chee?”

Richie bit his lip. “Maybe? Can...can you come with me? We can set an alarm for like two hours from now?” He looked at Mike, who nodded, telling him that was, indeed, okay.

“Yes,” Bill promised, moving out of Beverly’s lap and holding his hand out for Richie. “Come on, we’ll probably get better sleep if we go downstairs.” He loved Eddie and Stan, but all four of them on Richie’s full sized bed was cramped and not good for sleeping. 

Richie glanced at Ben and sniffed. “Can-can you get them? From the bathroom? I gotta make sure I take them.”

“Of course, I’ll be right back.” Ben was out of his seat and up the stairs in less than 10 seconds. He pushed into Richie’s room, noticing that the door to Richie’s private bathroom was closed and Eddie was still knocked out cold on the bed, feet pulled up under him so that his butt was in the air. It was cute, and Ben wanted a picture, but that would probably be a little weird and  _ Eddie would murder him. _ He glanced back at the door though, jumping a little when he heard a flush. 

Well. The tables had turned. He was now apparently following Stan to the bathroom. 

_ Just go in there and grab them when he’s done, don’t make it weird, dumbass,  _ he chastised himself. 

Stan opened the bathroom door and almost ran face first into Ben. “Shit! Ben, are you okay?” He was whisper-yelling, trying not to wake up Eddie.

“Yes! Yes, I’m fine.” He whispered, trying not to blush. All the talk about whatever there was going on with him and Stan was getting the better of him. “Just, uh, grabbing Richie’s meds. He forgot to take them.”

Stan grimaced. “I forgot about them too, I feel so bad.” He tugged at Richie’s old shirt that was clinging to his frame. “Is he okay?”

Stan was pretty adorable like this, Ben had to admit. He shook his head. “He’ll be okay. I think he needs to take his meds and sleep, is all. He wants Bill.”

Stan’s shoulders dropped. “Yeah, that kinda figures.” He stepped out of the bathroom doorway and out of Ben’s way. “Go for it. I’m gonna stare at the bed and try to decide if I want to go back to sleep or not.”

Ben’s face fell. “I’m sure he wouldn’t object to you going and napping with them, too. They want to sleep for a couple of hours.” He walked in, grabbed the meds, and looked back at Stan when he walked out of the bathroom. “ _ You’re _ Bill’s boyfriend, after all, and Richie’s best friend. If you’re upset about something, you should go. But Bill loves you, Stan. He is putty in your hands.”

Stan’s hand snapped out and grabbed Ben’s free hand. “I’m not...we all kissed last night. And I know how...they feel about each other. Just…” he let his emotion show on his face. His eyes went big and his grip tightened. “I just...if he could be with Eddie and Richie, he would be. I don’t know what happens to Bill and I after that, you know?” He shook his head. “I’m just being anxious and overthinking everything. Didn’t sleep so well, Eddie kept kneeing me in the back.” His smile betrayed how much he didn’t mind it. 

Ben nearly yanked his hand back when he felt a literal jolt of... _ something _ , go up his arm.  _ Whoa _ . He didn’t let go, though, sensing that his friend needed him. “Stan, if you’re worried about that, why don’t you tell him? If you need boundaries, set them.” He fidgeted. Stan was really hurt, and he didn’t like it. Not a bit. “I really think you should go down there.” He pushed Richie’s meds into Stan’s hand. “I’ll keep the wiggler company.”

Stan looked at the meds in his hands, and then back to Ben. Ben, who he was in love with. “Don’t tell anyone,” he stage-whispered, coming in close to Ben. “But you’re my favorite. Thank you.” He kissed Ben’s cheek and smiled at him before making his way out of Richie’s room and down the stairs.

Ben’s heart leapt, and he was sure it was in his throat as Stan walked away. Well, fuck. No need for the therapist to tell him what was going on; Richie had already done it. Ben was in love with Stan. Just like he was with Beverly. He sighed, made his way over to the bed and gently settled in the spot that Stan had occupied not long before. 

“Guess you and I both are lovesick,” he whispered. Eddie merely wiggled his butt and scrunched his face in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you reading, please leave a kudos or a comment! You can find us on tumblr at lethimrunsonia and kitchen-witch-bitch. 
> 
> We have a blog! Please follow polyamorylosersau on tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! High school Pre-Poly Losers for astrid_lee20 and I's Poly!Loser's AU Six Different Ways.
> 
> As always, lease leave kudos, and if you have already, please leave a comment! We wanna know what you think, it means a lot! You can follow us on tumblr at lethimrunsonia and democracydiesindarkness.


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